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The 3 Date Rule

You meet him. You like him. You go on a date with him. The first date was the initial meet and greet, where you met for coffee after work. During that time you set up a second date to have dinner a couple of days later.

It’s the night of the second date and you are having a fabulous time. Your checklist is getting checked-off, because so far he meets your basic requirements: looks, education, personality, charm, and charisma…but in the back of your mind, you have this niggling sensation about a conversation you recently overheard the women in your salon discussing. As you sat in your stylists chair you listened as they volleyed their dating woes and there was a consensus amongst them all that most men had this unspoken rule that if they took you out on three dates, then by the third date they expected you to sleep with them.

You look into his eyes, trying to gauge his thoughts. Does he think like that? Will he expect something on the next date? Should I accept a next date, without discussing this? Or should I just live in the moment and whatever happens, happens? All of those questions are swirling through your mind, but you don’t want to be the first one to broach the subject. After all, you don’t want to look or appear loose. Nor do you want him to think that sex is all that you have on your mind. What to do?

Sadly this scenario plays out every other hour as women and men meet via online dating, or through family and friends. Although eager to get to know each other, women have now been instructed by Steve Harvey and his ‘teachings’ to install a 90-day probation [don’t know why women couldn’t figure this out on their own] period before becoming intimate with a man. However, some women, who have been alone a very longtime feel that 90-days is too harsh, and three days is too soon.

When this happens, I always tell women to be convicted by their principles. If they feel that fundamentally, 3 days is way too soon, then let it be known when and if he makes a move. YES, I know that not all men think like this, but the majority of them do feel as if there is a play for pay.

I say that to say, do not let this unspoken rule that some have to taint your thoughts and views on dating. Rather be mindful that as you order your meal and drinks be sure to only order what you can afford. NO, it doesn’t sound right, but why go out and feel an obligation to ‘put out’ for a $75 meal.

You are only obligated to yourself in having a good time and opening up your friend circle…enjoy!


Thursday, October 20, 2011 - The 3 Date Rule: To Sex or Not to Sex? and join the live interactive chat room or call 646 716 7414 to share your thoughts!


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