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Single Pregnant Female

First let me start off by saying that I DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN!! NOR AM I MARRIED!!!

BUT...what is with women that continue to have babies by men they don't know, barely know, only known for a minute, or even known them for years. Where is this phenomen coming from? What is it that gets into their heads that tells them they wish to procreate with this man that already has one or more children?

I ask this question because of some issues that I have going on in my family at this time. Women popping up pregnant, (all of a sudden) like it was a mistake or an accident. There is a trend of women my age (I am 39) and older that seem to be "making mistakes" we all know that at our age, its not a mistake. She done phucked around and listened to society telling her that her biological clock is ticking ergo I need a baby. There are alot of men 40 and up that have children in their twenties and toddlers...looking ten carat crazy, because they thought they were done, now they are starting all over again. For some its a chance to make it right the second time around on child rearing, for others its an interruption in what should be the fun part of their lives.

Yet, I digress, bcause I for one, am not buying it, into the mistake factor that wanna know why I don't? Because I know many women have been having sexual relations with men plural, without a blib, hitch, or suddenly, the condom broke or the pill didn't work. That to me is bullshyt! Don't spit in my face and tell me its raining! YOU (the woman) wanted a baby by this man. So you stopped taking your pill and/or you phucked him without a condom. Period end of story. There is no "heat of the moment" its too many diseases out there to want to sleep with anyone raw! For whatever reason. His dyck isn't that damn good to make you say "I want a baby with this man" here is the big question. Once you tell him that you are pregnant and he says I don't want anymore kids what is your next move? Do you have the baby anyway, knowing full and damn well that he doesn't (for whatever reason) he doesn't want any more kids. Is it his fault? Did the two of you even remotely discuss your having his baby? Did it ever come up? I doubt it seriously...he may have said "I'd like to have more kids" but did he specifically say, "I want to have more kids with YOU...or I want YOU to have my child?" No, in 90% of the cases he didn' know it and I know it. Yet you walk around with this chip on your shoulder telling the children daddy ain't shyt. Like its his fault YOU got pregnant. You allowed him into "the gates of heaven" without a safe entry pass. You brought this on wanted to be a single mother, thinking it was going to hold him to you, eventhough deep in your heart you knew he wasn't shyt to begin with.

Yes, this is a vent for me, because I am so sick and damn tired of hearing women complain about their childrens fathers not being any good, when she knew when she met him, he wasn't taking care of the first child(ren) he had. What would make you any more special?

Case in point, I have a nephew whom I love dearly, but he told one of his baby mamas (Lawd I detest that term) but he told her that he didn't want anymore kids right now, he had already had 2. She went ahead and had the baby, now she is mad because he doesn't want anything to do with the child. Is it right? Yes & No, he is wrong because it isn't the childs fault, because he is here now, so he has to step up and handle his responsibility, but in a sense he isn't wrong, because he told her from the onset that he didn't want anymore kids. So now the custody battle and child support issues ensue...

I don't know...maybe its me...maybe because I have never wanted children that I see things this way. I just know that in over twenty years of having sex, I have never had a blip, hitch, or hiccup. I haven't always used condoms (I was in a 15 year relatinship during that time) and I have always been on the pill...I have never trusted a man enough to even remotely think about having his child. Hell, I haven't met a man yet that could make me change my mind, and if I did, it would be because I could sit home and never work again, because he'd have that much money...LOL

I don't know...ladies yall need to help me understand, what it is that makes you want to procreate with a man.



Anonymous said…
Hey Sassy,
I know that you didn't particularly ask for a Brotha's point of view. Being such that I am a new fan to your Blog, I thought that I should chime in on this topic since I went through it with my secret lover a few years back. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the fact that you right about these types of things that go on in "real life" situations. I could go on for a long torrid minute on this subject, but I also want to see what our Sistah's have to say on this matter. Keep up the great work and I look forward to your next entry!

Peace & Love,
SassyScribe said…
All of my topics are for men and women to chime in on. Thanks for being a fan of the blog and please spread the word!


Sylvia Hubbard said…
i'm gonna have to get my religion on for this one.

a child is a blessing.

any other way you look at it, no matter how it was conceived or "hiccuped," it was a blessing and it is no ones right to say yea or nea on the life of that child. Not even the mothter.

i don't care how phucked up she is or he is, the child has to be born.

now i know you may think I be touched. i may be because i stopped taking my medicine a while ago.

another point: women have stopped being aware of the changes of their bodies. they aren't aware that every five years your body's cycle changes and that you have to make sure that your birth control method goes along with your change. a lot of women are not paying close attention to the signs of nature because we aren't taught that any more. so accidents do happen when you arent paying attention.

and if your nephew didn't want another child he shouldn't have been dipping in the candy or putting on two rubbers to stress his point.

i agree on being sick and tired of the bitching done by women but they tend to love the fog before they see the real tree and mad because what they thought was a redwood was really a weak, barely living weed.

mistakes are made. live and love them as if they weren't and quit all the bitching.
SassyScribe said…
I know that a child is a blessing, and yes I told my nephew that he should've thought about NOT having kids before sliding up in these girls raw. However, I am a proponent of PRO-CHOICE, and although I don't believe in abortion as a form of birth control, I do believe in a woman's right to choose. And if you know that he is not going to support you in anyway, not just financially, but emotionally, then don't have it, and if you do, then plan on being a single parent.
Anonymous said…
My experiences in life have shown me that some women have a very different agenda than men when it comes to this topic. It's sort of difficult for me to explain but I will give it my best shot...The situation can be real bad especially if you have a woman that is "obsessed" with you. No, I didn't stutter when I said obsession which can definitely go both ways when you have some major lust involved! LOL We all know what is like when a relationship get's physical. The man wants to keep it sexual because the lovin' is oh so good but the woman's emotions starts to kick in because nobody has ever made her feel that way and she is not about to let that good thang go no matter what!

___Women are the givers of life which also gives you a great amount of power in an intimate relationship. Let's just say that some women use this power for some crazy reasons, ie; for you to leave your wife/significant other to be with them "exclusively", to have a child that will love them unconditionally, to have a life long attachment to a certain man, to spite you if they feel scorned, to show the world that they can produce some good after a life full of disapointments, etc. Again, there is a whole bunch of stuff to kick around on this topic. I truly believe in the blessings of a child. I also don't think that it is fair for that child to be brought into this world under jacked up circumstances! A woman can wreak some major havoc on a brotha if she has his baby without his consent. You would think that this would be a deterant for us men to kinda bring it in a little and like you said Sassy, "stop sliding up in these Sistah's raw"! I guess we just have to face the fact that as long as we men continue to think with our "lower head" and not our "upper head", then we will always have to deal with this issue! (NOTHING) will (EVER) beat the feeling of a "raw" encounter and that's just a fact, whether in a long term relationship or a one night stand! LOL Now you Sistah's know that our "upper head" goes on "strike" when our "lower head" is busy at work! How many times have you had to tell a brotha' to put a jimmy on only for us to offer up a bunch of excuses and explanations why he forgot or shouldn't at all...I wish I could explain why God made us this way but I can't! I think Aids and STD's have changed our sexual exploits to some degree over the past few years. The bottom line is although it takes two to tango so to speak, there is only one decision that really matters when it comes to bringing a child into the world. If the woman says that she is going to have that baby no matter what, then that's the way it is going to be unless some divine intervention takes place. The brotha's can therefore now look forward to being a Father that he has to love because it is his own despite the fact that he loathes the childs mother, his Court Ordered child support notices, bench warrants for non-payments and missed court appearances, bad credit ratings, "first class" seating in the "Baby Momma Drama Department" and a whole lot of other stuff to boot! I'm not trying to offer a bunch of excuses, just one brotha's opinion that's all..

Peace & Love,
SassyScribe said…

I always welcome input from men...I wish more would comment on subjects like this.

I really appreciate you and everyone that leaves a comment...Thank you all!

Soulchild74 said…
There are only two reasons why a woman would have a child by a man she isn't committed to: accident or on purpose.

Accident, you can't help. More than likely your intent was not to get pregnant but things happen. You deal with it and learn from it. Everyone is entitled to one mistake. I don't fault single mothers with one baby daddy. It's the ones with more than one baby daddy that I have to wonder about. Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice then you need your behind whooped. You are too old to be told.

Now the on purpose women really need their behinds whooped. You actually put thought into it, created the plan, and executed it. I don't feel sorry for you at all. Most on purpose pregnancies include getting pregnant to keep him, getting pregnant to have a baby because you wanted to be loved, or even getting pregnant on purpose to get out of a situation. If your plan works then good for you. You got the ring on your finger and you can take it from there. But if it didn't then you have to be the primary person to blame. The woman is the controller unless she was raped. Keep your gas tanked closed if you don't want to risk getting bad gas from a gas pump. Choose your gas stations wisely.

Men aren't exempt either. There are some men who poke holes in condoms to get a girl pregnant so she will stay with him too. They really need to get their behinds whooped and they usually do with child support payments. Sometimes an accident isn't really an accident.

Bottom line is to take your time. Whatever happens happens and the only person who is exempt from blame is the child and that child should not be punished.

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