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I May Be Selfish & I Can Be a Bitch- But its not the reason Why I Am Not Married

While I was out searching for a job, I missed Tracy McMillan's recent Huffington Post article "Why You're Not Married" http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html.  I know the article was written over a week ago now, but I still wanted to say a little something something...ya feel me.
Saundra " SassyScribe" Harris - Author, Relationship Commentator, Internet Talk Show Host...oh, and Single!


Because this is yet another lamentation on the woe's of single women...however, this time the writer is encompassing all women and not just Black Women as articles from various writers and bloggers in the past. Ms. McMillan is not the only person writing about this phenomenon, as there are countless books on this very subject for and by women of all races. 

Ms. McMillan states in her article that women (using a largely painted brush) particularly single women, are shallow, angry, lying, selfish, sluts who are just not good enough to land that big fish...conquer that final frontier in essence we (since I am single and not married) can't quite get him to the altar and seal the deal.
She also states that her life as a foster child unknowingly aided her in knowing the traits to look for in a man that is willing to marry.
So as I read the article and took stock of her statements I feel like this:


Can I be a bitch, hell yeah and who can't. I tend to get this label not only because of what I say, but how I say it...and sometimes it has to be said a certain way to get your point across. I've been told that I am aggressive, assertive, strong, and opinionated---all descriptive words that can equal up to being a bitch in some people's eyes without them taking the time to getting to know me...so am I shallow or are they?



Am I angry...not really, but I can have an attitude...again, who can't we all have some chit with us that we have to or will, whether we want to or not, put up with in a mate.

I never really saw much of a reason for lying, because its simply too much work. Can you honestly remember the second lie you told to cover the first lie? I can't keep it straight, therefore, honesty is the best policy---for me.


When it comes to being shallow, can I be, yes, again who can't be shallow. But I also know the difference of a person looking good and yet not being good for you. I, like many others are attracted to some form of physicality of a person, its what we see first. Its the surface, but after you delve beneath to their inner parts, its then that a deeper attraction can occur. You don't see this upon first sight, so who is Ms. McMillan to say that  shallowness is the reason for singleness? Personally, I have to have the ability to look at my mate. Now he may not be handsome or cute to others, but that is there problem, not mine.


As far as being slutty, I think whether some of us want to admit this or not is solely up to them, but I am honest enough to know that in my twenties, I was more open to sharing my charms than I should have been, but  we all live and learn. However, to state being a slut is the reason you are single is crazy to me. Most of society equate exotic dancers, prostitutes, and porn stars as sluts, yet a lot of them are married. Yes, I know its the exception and not the rule, but Ms. McMillan painted all single women with one brush and these women in the aforementioned professions are women, are they not?


Selfishly I must say that yes, I do think alot about myself-- so I am guilty of this to a degree but again, who isn't. Marriage/relationships are not the only things in our lives that are about compromise. LIFE is all about compromising and adapting and reevaluating all that life entails...from work, to family, to friends...we all at some point have a little selfishness within us---something that is just for you. Is that wrong? I don't think so. We all need and require a little downtime from others to de-stress and get back on track.

Lastly the 'your not good enough' clause is ultimately true. But don't take it as the crushing blow that you deem it to be, because he was not the one for you. It sounds ultruistic to say that, but when you are not the one, you are not the one. That movie "He's Just Not That into You" is so true, but don't dwell on it. In fact learn from it. Ask him why you weren't the one? Don't be afraid to ask what was it about her that set her from the rest? It really doesn't matter, but its good to know so that you won't make the same mistake twice.


Maybe it has nothing to do with any of the 6 traits Ms. McMillan states, maybe you were rude to a waitress or maybe he saw that you weren't an animal lover or unkind to kids. Honestly, it could be anything, but you will never know until you find out.


Now, I may not be married, but I don't go all woe is me all day about the reasons why. I am 43 no children and never married. Maybe its the plan God has for me, maybe it isn't. If it happens, then it happens, until then I read articles like this and I have to laugh, and make a mental note, that sometimes people say things to stir the pot of controversy. 


Saundra aka SassyScribe





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