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Dating After 40...

Who knew that the dating game would change so drastically over the last twenty years? So many factors play into what changed the game and I feel that the number factor was the internet?

The internet made it easier for shy, introverted, sometimes unattractive, uninspiring, lazy, physically disabled and in some instances obese individuals the opportunity to meet a potential love match online. I know what I said is not politically correct, but it’s the ugly truth. On the other hand, it also made it easier for that busy executive and/or a workaholic, single parents, and newly single individuals to find a love match as well.

Let’s face facts it’s a helluva lot easier to point, click, accept or reject via the anonymity of the internet as opposed to attending a singles event such as speed dating or a singles meet and greet.

Sidebar: 35,000 people meet and marry online every year…which I am sure will give some folks hope.

Ideally no one thought and/or believed they would be single again and/or still single over the age of 35, and yet that is a reality that many are facing. People whom find themselves in this perilous dating scene are really at a loss and turn to family and friends for suggestions. Some are apprehensive about the internet because of the negative stories that they have heard about some sites where folks meet and then end up dead. Those I feel are unfortunate and isolated cases….one must do due diligence when venturing into the online world.

So what is a person to do when they find themselves single again at 40? First off, being single is not a dirty word and it is not the end of the world. Granted it is different than when you were 20, and the climate and mindset about dating has completely changed. Twenty years ago the term “to hook up” meant meeting for a drink or meal or movie or something, today the term means to meet to have sex. Its because of changes like this that make the internet so inviting. If you’re over 40 and wish to date, should you run to the internet and join sites like, eHarmony, Chemistry, Plentyofish, or ethnic sites such as Black Singles, Black Voices, Black Planet, or Black People Meet? Should they turn to Mingle City or an AOL or Yahoo chat room…what? Some may even turn to social networking sites such as Face Book, MySpace, Tagged, Twitter, Ning, Digg, and Fark It, where originally these sites were designed to network with other professionals and/or assist in reconnecting long last family members and friends. People hear stories of how someone met their soul mate online, and they see commercials about how they knew someone was “the one” and think its not so hard. But again it’s not indicative of what may or may not happen to you. Go into this new chapter in your life with an open mind and an understanding of yourself first. Do not do anything to stem off loneliness, do not allow the fear of being alone enable you in any way!

Look dating after 40 does not have to be a stressful event. It truly doesn’t…I know that its perceived that some folks are a little older and a little wiser, which means they are supposedly more prudent at 40 than they were at 20…hmmmm not so much…LOL…because of a fear of being alone, people allow desperation to set in and will allow and accept negative individuals with negative habits and behaviors. and yeah its scary and it’s a little different dating at 40, I will grant you that, I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be. If you are honest with yourself and honest with everyone that enters into your life, it will make dating a lot easier. I’m 42, and I’ve been dating and I enjoy it…I don’t get bogged down in making every man I meet “the one”…I just don’t do it…I flow with it…and so should you!

So here are a couple of questions one can ask on a first date…they aren’t super intrusive and can help break the ice, after all its been a while since you’ve done this and its understandable if you are nervous…good luck!

Questions To Ask:Are you married or involved?
Are you dating? How often?
What are the qualities of your ideal relationship?
What scares you the most about opening your heart to a man/woman?
Do you feel that you have ever had a truly successful relationship?
Why did your last relationship fail?
What kind of relationship do you see yourself in?
Are you currently sexually active?
How many partners are you intimate with?
Do you have children?
Do you have/like pets? If so, what kind?
What types of movies do you enjoy?
Are you active in sports? Have a hobby?
What is your favorite food?
Have you read any good books lately?

Saundra aka SassyScribe


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