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Why I Have A "Dudetality"...

I’ve been told by some men that I have met that I “think like a dude”, and that statement made me laugh, because I do have a “dudetality”. I am surrounded by women that have a “dudetality” and that’s alright!

For those that don’t know me, I am outspoken and opinionated. I am very direct and at times I don’t have a filter between my brain and my tongue. I understand that it’s not what I say, but how I say it, however, I feel like people are coddled too damn much at times and they need to hear it straight with no chaser. Why pretty the words up or delay the blow? Some people try to play dumb and act like they don’t know and/or understand the words that are coming out of your mouth, especially if you’re being “nice” about it. Some people need to hear it in a rough manner in order for them to see the stupidity of their ways. For example…a few years ago I remember coming home and one of my sister’s girlfriends had stopped past for a visit. I did not care for this girl, so when I came in, I sidestepped the room they were in and proceeded to my room…but their convo made me stop and yeah I was ear hustling and what I heard made me mad. This dumb ass broad was talking about how she was going to marry a fool ass man that was incarcerated. It was then I revealed myself by saying hello and asked had I heard her correctly in saying she was getting married. She said yes, then I said “well what’s the hold up” and she replied that her mother didn’t think marrying a man behind bars was smart. Duhhh is what I wanted to say, instead I encouraged her to marry him, after all if its real love she can wait the fifteen years he was going to be there for their love to endure correct. Then this bitch says he was going to buy her a $7 engagement ring…I asked how if he doesn’t have 7 cents, how can he afford 7 grand…she says “oh I’m going to buy it and he promised me he would pay me back when he got out”…yes it was the most asinine conversation I’d had with a woman and I exploded. If your ass is dumb enough to believe that then you should go for it…but in my opinion his ass would be short…no marriage, no ring, and damn sure no conversation.

My sister was pissed that I talked to her friend like that, but I didn’t care…it was stupid and someone had to tell her. Now she married him anyway and later it was annulled and this woman is currently locked up herself for washing checks…hmmm…anyway, it’s like a woman who knows her man ain’t shyt, yet she’s constantly griping about he ain’t shyt, and then has the nerve to get mad if you agree. Don’t say things like that around me and expect me not to say something…maybe this is why the majority of my radio shows listeners are comprised of men.

Women don’t like hearing the truth. Most of the women know what I am saying is true. As a woman, we all have that friend that has an issue with her man, now we know what they should do, but oftentimes that woman just needs to vent…without input…sorry but I’m the wrong one for that. You know your man is cheating, so what in the hell are you gonna do about…most likely nothing, so my thought is shut the hell up and keep it moving. You aren’t going anywhere so why is the vent session needed or warranted…that woman is talking to hear herself talk, because in the end she is going to stay with him until she is fed up with how he is treating her…period.

I don’t want folks to get it twisted though, because I haven’t always been this way…it’s a way I felt I needed to be, especially when it came to dealing with men. Men, well some men, not all say what they mean. If a man tells you something, you have to believe him, because most times it’s backed through his actions. They don’t take you around Robin Hood’s barn to get their point across, they don’t soften the blow when it comes to them telling you how they feel, if they are feeling you, you will know it and if he’s not digging you, you will know that too. Men speak truth to action and instead of women seeing the writing on the wall they fall into a passive aggressive mindset and then have the nerve to ask “what happened”. It was seeing perplexed looks on women’s faces, it was the questions that I had in my own mind of “what happened, or what went wrong” that I realized I was not speaking my mind. I was saying one thing and doing another. Mind you, that was six years ago, and at that time I was going through some much needed lessons…but now, ooh Lawd no sense or need for me to be afraid of what a man will think or feel. It was that fear that I had to overcome. Fear of being alone and fear of no longer being desired because society says men don’t like women who talk too much, who are too aggressive, who are too independent, who are too outspoken, too opinionated…hell society tells women that men don’t like women that are just too too…whatever and its phrases such as those that some women adhere to. So they don’t speak up, they don’t speak out, the only opinion they have is the one their man gives them….these are the women who lose themselves in their new relationships…these are women guided by fear, because something is better than nothing.

The mindset of fear is a sad state for women to be in. I think that women need to at times adopt a dudetality to some of their thought processes. I’m not saying go and sow some wild oats, but if you did, who would know? If you met a man and you told him you were looking to get married in five years and he backs away, why care, he is obviously not the man for you? If you met a man and told him you weren’t having sex with him for three or more months and he didn’t like what you said, why care? Some dude’s are quick to say, “I’m not looking for a relationship”…Some dude’s have no problem saying “I only want a sex buddy”…some dude’s have no issue whatsoever in saying, doing, speaking, showing, acting---truthfully….

So when a man tells me I have a dude mentality, I take as a compliment…I say things straight like that. No I’m not going to stroke your ego…if you come to me talking bullshyt trust and believe you will get the bullshyt back…what I have learned as a woman who speaks my mind is that I am not afraid if a man doesn’t like me, or doesn’t want to talk to me. I could give two phucks about it and once I got to that point…it was an awareness that I discovered about myself that not only opened my eyes, but it opened my mind.

See this is Sassy but its also Saundra…it’s the mentality of saying what I mean and meaning what I say and not caring who is offended or upset by it. Like many women what I had to do was do me and too often I see my sisters struggling with that mindset. “Do U” can at times be a lonely, long, bumpy road to travel, yet in the end you have a better understanding of yourself, of your wants, needs, and desires…you will also no longer care when “u do u” and others keep it moving.



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