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Why Do Sista's Hate on Each Other & Give Out Bad Advice

I am a huge fan of Steve Harvey! I love his morning show and I thoroughly enjoy his Strawberry Letter segment, but everyday, it’s a different woman allowing a man to keep his foot on her neck. I constantly find myself laughing and shaking my head, because I find it funny? Is it really that important to be in a relationship? I know that no one wishes to or wants to grow old alone, but damn, what happened to have self respect?

Over the weekend, the girls and I went out for a drink and we were talking about how long it takes women to “figure” it out. Why is it that some women have yet to understand themselves and/or know their own power? I told them that a friend asked me why women gave each other bad advice all the time…honestly, we didn’t know, because our sect is very outspoken and at times “inyourface” with our opinions. Added to that he asked why do women hate on each other?

It’s as if the minute a woman thinks that there is a possible chance of “hooking up” or getting themselves a man, they loose their minds…in one of my message boards we were discussing this radio prank that went wrong, where the woman was calling to prank her husband and it appears she got pranked. (listen to the call here When the station called her house, another woman answered and can be heard calling her husband “baby”. Now I am not sure if this was scripted or not, but the way in which this played out was ridiculous…the husband straight pimped his wife on the air, and then told the radio host that his wife wasn’t going now where. Then one of the female DJ’s tried to come to the wife’s defense and he cut her down with “There you go, sticking up for her because she is a woman…” and it sparked an entire different topic as to why do black women hate on each other so much?

That question got me to thinking and I really stopped and watched black women over the weekend. My gender never ceases to amaze me! I mean I go out and I hear women saying things that sound good, but when I looked at them, I mean really looked and truly listened you could tell that they weren’t “sincere”. It was like they were trying to co-sign with me, and that’s not an easy task to do. I am a strong willed and very very very outspoken individual. I am obnoxious to some, others don’t care for my “potty” mouth, but there is one thing you won’t mistake, and that is where I am coming from. I want to say that it is because I am older and wiser. But that’s not the case, because I’ve always been opinionated, but I feel its because I am not afraid and I love ME. I have no fear of being alone and I do not define myself by whether or not I have a man.

Ladies, may not like this but some women are filled with so much self-hate and self-loathing and have very little self-worth, that it is easier for them to denigrate other women who may actually be better than they are…they may be better looking, more educated, and maybe even more successful, and I think this can be where the hate comes in. I had a friend who told me that she had a lot of girlfriends in her life that was until she met a man who loves her and the girlfriends are jealous. As sad as it may sound, they delighted in her misery when she was being dogged out by one dude, but the minute she met a man who not only told her he loved her, but showed her, well, those “girlfriends” began to hate. I told her they weren’t her girlfriend’s, because real girlfriends want to see you happy and prospering rather than miserable and unaccomplished.

My fellow FAF family told me that talking to me is refreshing because I come straight with no chaser. He said that I don’t talk the bullshyt that other women tend to and that I am not afraid of being me. But he asked me why did women give one another such bad advice and that was something I had to really think about? Because it’s true, I know, I hear, and have heard, and still hear women telling each other some wildly outrageous shit! Just recently some basketball player’s wife and her girlfriend went and beat up his jump off!! What in the blue hell kind of situation is that? Why would a friend even co-sign something as dumb as that? Why is the wife trying to beat the other woman’s ass, rather than taking the whip to her husband? When the wife came to her friend and asked her to ride with her, the friend should’ve said no…and then she really should’ve shown the wife how dumb she was acting. Now I have never heard of this basketball player, but lets be real…most likely, this is not the first time she has caught her man cheating. I mean, how else was she able to locate this other woman, if she didn’t know or at one time, and most likely with this same friend, followed her man because she knew something wasn’t right? I don’t mean to sound self righteous, because I have been through it as well…and maybe we can put this incident down to youth. But when I see women my age following men, snooping and prying through stuff, it makes me laugh…because if you think about it, if you have to go through all of that, is it really worth it…? Think about it…?

I feel as women we have to admit that most of the problems that we have had, or are currently having with men are our own fault. We have to stop blaming men when things go wrong…and we have to stop worrying what in the hell other people are going to say. Especially family and friends! When it comes to men, society has shown women through time that if they don't have a man they are not worthy hear it all the time, only "good" women are worthy of being married...only good women will get a man, blah blah blah...and for some they have been taught that being good was not a character quality, like compassion, kindness, integrity, humor, etc… things that men also want and desire in a mate...rather some believe being good in bed was most important…and SEX is very important, but sex alone will not sustain a relationship. It will maintain it for a while, but it won’t sustain it, and if you don’t believe me, think of those “friends with benefits” situations you’ve been in and once you stopped having sex, did you still remain “friends”?

Women who know themselves and know who they are get what I am saying, but for those that don’t know and can’t quite understand, they are going to have to be honest with themselves. They are going to have to stop being afraid of being alone. Let’s keep it real, these same women that don’t get what I am saying are alone now, even as they “claim” a relationship, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually they are alone AND lonely.

Oh and knowing oneself doesn’t mean they have to emasculate men and/or dumb down…knowing one self is understanding the phrase DO YOU…and I swear ladies, once you get that, I mean really and truly get it…you will have a better understanding of you!

Help me out though…why is it that you think sisters hate on each other and give each other bad advice?



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