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Sassy’s Tenet’s To Life....(excerpt from Sassy’s as yet untitled book coming February 2009)

Always Say What You Mean
Always be open and honest about your wants, needs, and desires. This is not solely regarding your personal life, but this comes into play with all aspects of your life. Only you know that which you want. Only you know what you can and cannot tolerate in people. This transcends male to female relationships and tunnels its way through and into all of your relationships. It can show that you are not only a strong individual, and not strong in the negative sense as society has come to view "strong" women. I am talking about Strong in the positive sense that it shows that you are an individual that stands by their word. In today's world of dating being honest about YOU as only YOU can tell it will show a person that at times, one can be convicted by their principles, loyalty and love of themselves.

I am a firm believer in women being clear when they speak to men. The need for clarification is vital in today's dating world. They have to say what it is they mean from the beginning and leave no gray area, because ladies, men are not like us. At times they will not tell the truth even if you tell them that you want the truth, because some women have shown that they cannot handle the truth. However, on the other hand, there are men out here that will be brutally honest and as women we must be prepared for that. We must not ask any questions that we are not prepared to hear the answers to.

Always Mean What You Say
One cannot say one thing and then backtrack to mean another. This is a vital aspect of life. How many times have we heard people say one thing but then they mean another? How any times have we heard someone say an "I would never" statement behind closed doors, then you witness them doing the exact opposite. Too many times to count, and because no one holds their feet to the fire on their words they continue to do the same things over and over again. It's what they say the definition of crazy is…doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result.

This is no different in the dating world. How can a woman tell a man that she does not sleep with men on the first date, and yet on the first date she sleeps with him? The excuse for her would be that the "vibe" was right. At that point she has shown to this man that she says one thing, but doesn't really mean it. She can be easily persuaded and/or manipulated to conform to his wants, his needs, and his desires. She most likely, and in all probability, had no intentions of sleeping with him because it was the first date. But here is the thing; the conversation was flowing as were the drinks. And this is where she may have let her guard down and the next thing you know, she is prone on his bed, with her blouse pushed up to her shoulders. Let's face facts, there is a societal stigma attached to all women whom sleep with men on the first date. I have heard a lot of men say that a woman that sleeps with a man on the first date is a woman that knows her mind. That right there is a bunch of bull, it's a woman that may know her mind, but it also shows a woman that doesn't know the man. After she sleeps with him is when she will make the attempt to get to know him and at that point, what's the point. He has gotten what he wanted from her. Yes, I know that this is not always the case, and that there are some unions that are still together now after having slept with one another on the first date, but that is the exception, not the rule. I even had a friend tell me that he does not date. He stated, his number one goal is to sleep with a woman first and if the sex was good, then and only then will he date her. As sexist as that may sound, it works for him. He is the type of man that will say what he means and he means what he says.

This is how others will judge you and I know the bible states do not judge lest ye be judged, but the fact remains that people are finicky and not only are they watching your actions, they are also listening to your words and gauging to see if you are backing them up with actions.

Do Not Make Someone a Priority in Your Life When All You Are Is an Option for Them
This tenet transcends the male and female relationships and encompasses all of your relationships in life.

This lesson took me all of my life to learn and four years ago, it clicked and it clicked in the worst way. It took me getting dumped, literally and figuratively to understand that I did what I consider being a cardinal sin. I woke up with thoughts of this man everyday. It was my goal to see him happy, to please him in whatever way possible and in the end nothing I did was good enough and/or right for him and the reason was because I was not a priority in his life…I was only an option.

Initially I didn't want to see this and acted naïve as if I didn't understand what he was doing, but he showed me through his actions towards the end of the relationship that I wasn't even an option anymore. Rather I was an albatross around his neck smothering him with my co-dependency for him. He was right. I lost myself in this man…if I could have unzipped him from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, crawled inside of him and zipped it back up, I would have. That is how into this man I was. I had lost my identity while with him. Nothing and no one was as important in my life as he was. I ate, slept, and drank this man. In retrospect, I know that was not love, it was obsession.

However, that concept has changed dramatically with me. Some folks that know me may say that it is an extreme, but I had to learn that if a man wants me in any way, shape, or form, he will show me through the use of all three of these tenets.

If a man wants me in his life, he will not only say it, but he will show it by saying what he means, by meaning what he says, and by making me a priority in his life.

Copyright 2008 by SassyScribe

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