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Sassy Speaks Out...

It’s been a minute since I have written a blog because of my hectic schedule and other things, I was thrown off track for a minute, but now I am back.

During my hiatus I have been doing a lot of sitting back and watching people—men in particular, interactions between the sexes…watching folk’s reactions to situations and gauging body language of what people reading what is being said and unsaid.

Trolling the internet as I do 24/7, I have noticed that there are a lot of blogs, vlogs, message boards, and pod casts, etc. that are constantly denigrating black women. Black women are manipulative, bitter, unfriendly, nasty, mean, ornery, etc. you name it there is something on the web to back that up. It’s as if there is nothing nice to say about black women. As if we are the dregs of society and quite frankly not only was I offended…it pissed me off. For years the black woman has been the back bone of our race. We have had to be strong and pick up where others have dropped the ball, from parenting to cultivating and maintaining relationships, continuing education, and becoming entrepreneurs. Yet and still, you her daily on what black women need to do to be better mothers, lovers, wives, friends, etc…what in the hell is that all about. What happened to what the black man has to do to be a better man???? It’s as if we have no endearing qualities what so ever, and is the reason some say that black men are flocking to women of other races in droves.

“Black Women are the most uncoupled women on earth and the majority 45% of African American women over 30 aren’t married and most likely will never marry” It was statements such as this that drove me to my recent radio show entitled THE RANT…ALL ABOUT THE BROTHERS, where my co-host Dlyte and I discussed this very issue. Trust me; I got several emails, text, and instant messages on how “bitter” the two of us are. That amazed me as well, because a man can sit back and lay out a laundry list of must haves when it comes to his relationships with women he is given kudos for speaking his mind and knowing what he wants, yet when a woman, in particular a black woman does the same she is being too choosey, too picky and not willing to open her mind and think outside the box.

For example, I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have discussed this ad-infinitum, but men talk about wanting an independent woman, a woman that has her own, is educated, etc, yet I have noticed time and again, that that is far from the type of women he will end up with. Most often they end up with the woman that “needs” them. Not to say that the independent woman doesn’t need him per say, he may feel like “she handling her biz” and therefore isn’t willing to open up and allow for certain things. And the truth is she is handling her biz, but that doesn’t mean she may not need and/or want companionship of some sort. She may not need you financially, but what about emotionally, spiritually, and physically? I don’t think they have thought about that. And yes, some women are bitter, because they believed in and entrusted their love and heart to the wrong man. Yes, some of those same women do make other men pay for the last man’s mistake, but men do it too. You may not think you are doing it but yall have just as much baggage as women…and some of yall don’t want to admit it. Hell, some of yall want to be and currently are “Captain Save A Ho”.

A couple of Friday’s ago, some friends and I went out and I watched as brothers turned their noses up to most of the women in the room. Now was it more…or were they gay?? Don’t get me wrong, I am open minded enough to know that men ain’t trying to jump on everything that walks in the room. But when they look at each and every black woman as wanting and/or lacking in some way, then YES, I have a problem. Some men are always talking about how unfriendly black women are, but brothers can be just as if not more unfriendly. I had a conversation with a young man this morning and he was talking about how he has to give up on black women and be open to “an international dating pool”. Which some will say is cool for him to say, after-all, we sisters are bitter. But let a sister say “maybe I should consider dating outside of my race” and then she is an angry bitter sister that has crossed over to the other side. The tables aren’t turning, and times aren’t changing but the situation is jacked up on both sides.

This is about men and women…We have both sides talking about neither side knowing what it is they want, but the issue is, that the few principled women that are out here are being overlooked for the unprincipled and unscrupulous women. Why would a man want a woman that is convicted by her principles as opposed to a woman that isn’t? I mean, I guess if I were a man I would take the path of least resistance….

As an African American woman, I take offense when I read disparaging comments that may be about a few but yet encompasses all…Yes, I am a strong aggressive woman, but I am also smart, witty, charming, and hella sexy (I had to throw that in there) and when I see, read, and in some instances hear people, most especially brothers talk about us in a negative way…when I hear brothers espousing claims against us its like a cancer to the relationships between the brothers and sisters…

I guess I wrote all of that to say… It’s truly time to get our acts together…brothers uplift the sisters and sisters uplift the brothers…if we do that who knows what could happen…



Hey there SassyScribe! {waves}

Thank you for sharing these viewpoints.

I think that self-examination is IMPERATIVE at this point in our history as black women when HALF of black women have been sexually assaulted by a family member or person known to them, when black girls are being gang-raped by boys that they have known all of their lives...

I don't need to rehash it all....but it is a GOOD THING that we are talking about the issues but we need to talk about the SOLUTIONS.

Black women seem to internalize a lot of negativity.... yes...there are brothas who are BASHING black women online and offline....but is it AN ASSAULT on you?

I have worked with people in recovering and there is a term that is tossed about "identifying in" or "identifying out".

When I hear black men bashing black women thaty are NOT talking about me...they are talking about OTHER black women...and maybe those are their experiences with other black women!

Are they lying? I don't think so. The problem is when a generalization is being made when they share their experiences AS if their experiences reflect what ALL black women are.

Let's keep this conversation moving and please feel welcome to stop by my blog anytime! (smiles)

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Anonymous said…
Thank you so much for posting this blog, first and foremost.

I honestly don't know where to begin with my comments, because I too think about the denigration of black women, especially by black men, very often. It truly offends and enrages me as a black woman because I thoroughly know the history of the black experience and as a sociology student I know all too well the bewildering stats facing the black community. Like you mentioned earlier "black women are the back bones of the community;" 70% of black children are raised in single parent homes - reared by black mothers-, the only men in the black churches on Sunday are behind the pulpit and at the doors, women are overwhelmingly educators in the community, activists, etc. and receive all the blame when something happens in the community. When a child misbehaves someone is bound to say,"his momma didn't raise him right" with never any mention of "where is this young man's father?" It's seems to be second nature to black men to point the finger at the women while many of them run and hide when things get tough.

My additional comments are largely reflective of your thoughts. It truly saddens me that young men today don't realize how important, and IMPERATIVE black women are to the community, and have always been throughout history. We have been raped, beat, abandoned, cheated on, terrorized, we have had to watch our men get lynched, emasculated physically, mentally emotionally, get murdered, and yet we still not only survive but thrive. But it seems to me that no matter what we do we will never be good enough for society or even for our own men. Hell, if we built a spaceship and went to Pluto to explore the universe, some brotha would say,"What! earth ain't good enough for y'all?"

I don't know whether it is bad experiences, misogyny, jealousy, ignorance, or just plain apathy that makes black men pounce on black women, but whatever it is it DESPERATELY NEEDS TO STOP. Black women are always stigmatized for doing things women do and for being people-human beings with flaws and imperfections.

In closing, as far as solutions go, we all need to HONESTLY hold town hall meetings, church meetings, organizational meetings aimed at solving these problems by involving both sexes, and encouraging - better yet - making literal pacts and pledges to only encourage another brotha or sista, and to chastise one another when we error.

We as black Americans today need to strive to respect the toil and sacrifices our forefathers and mothers made to ensure our future so that we may do the same for our children.

-A passionate woman

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