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THE BIG C –Men & Women Discuss Celibacy

What causes individuals to explore celibacy? Is it something that only women will do, or are more men also practicing this as well? Why the word celibacy is looked upon as THE C and for some is being likened to cancer? Is there something wrong with a person that foregoes something as fun, exciting, and enjoyable as sex? I used to think so, until I decided to shut the shop down.

I practiced celibacy from 2005 to 2007 and it was due in large part to being tired of the game. Trust me when I say that for the first 30 days, I was one irate individual and had to recognize how sex had become an integral aspect of my life…straight meaningless sex. Once I surpassed the 30-day mark, it became easy. It wasn’t done out of trickery and/or to play mind games, it was all about ME. It was becoming more in touch with myself and how intimacy played a part in my life. Although I continued to date, I vowed to always be honest about my current status sexually…to be honest the first conversation was the hardest, but it became easier and in the end, it was funny to watch as men’s eyes glazed over and they would puff out their chest, and offer me such witty quips as “maybe I can be the one to change your mind” or “that’s because you haven’t had me”. It’s crazy, the things men say…but sex had become blasé, casual, meaningless…no longer fun.

Casual sex has become too casual. Back in the day, casual sex was truly a one night stand, then it evolved into a booty call, then the friends with benefits, but now, its just a one and done. Folks rarely take the time to learn about one another before they decide to engage in the sheet mambo. Back in the day, when a brother could plunge the booty without thought is over. No longer can a sister execute a supreme “finish”. The onslaught of HIV/AIDS and other bacterial infections and diseases is as off putting to men as it is to women. Believe it or not, people are becoming more discerning when it comes to intimacy and sex and the number of men that are becoming more selective as to their sexual partners is growing. Today celibacy is not so much about holding the booty hostage but for some it’s more of an awareness of self, wanting a better spiritual walk, or just maybe they have become tired of the games that people are playing.

According to Dr. Ian Kerner, a noted sex therapist and author of Sex Detox: A Relationship Rejuvenation Program for Everyone, research suggests that millions of otherwise-sane men have, at one time, chosen to take a break from sex—and, in many cases, masturbation and the consumption of sexual images in any form—in search of something deeper, safer or less complicated.

But what I have noticed is that some men are beginning to understand that pregnancy and disease are prevalent and can be hazardous to your health as well as wallet. For some, celibacy isn’t as taboo as it was in the past. Ladies, one thing I can tell you is that YES men are having sex, but they are not having nearly as much sex as they would like for you to believe…trust me on this. They have their dry spells...they have their “off days”, so don’t let them try to convince you that they don’t. Some men may not admit it, but those that will have come to realize that sex for sex’s sake is not as attractive nor as safe as it used to be. Boys are concentrating on sex, grown men are cultivating relationships and progressing in their careers…and sex is not their focus.

I applaud men and women that have decided to “take themselves in hand” sexually and question the importance it is in their lives. It is my belief that this is something more MEN & WOMEN should do. Shut the shop down, become introspective as to why you are having sex, the partners you are choosing, and what is the significance of sex in your life to you…once these questions are answered it may give one insight of self as it relates to sex.


Join Sassy & Dlyte tonight at 9pm for THE BIG C – Men & Women discuss Celibacy on . Comment line 646.716.7414.


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