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Sexual History - To Disclose or Not Disclose

How much of your sexual history should you disclose to a mate? For some women this question remains a constant conflict because how much of the reveal is too much? I advocate truth telling, although we all know that there are some that live in their convoluted and distorted truth. But, in this day and time, it is vitally imperative to your health and welfare to always state the truth.

As adults we understand that you may not want to reveal all...that at one point in our lives we may have done something that was a little wild and/or off the hook and some things you just may decide to take to the grave. But years ago, you know back in the day when dating was easier and fun, you didn't have the issues that you have today. The questions that individuals must ask today are not questions that you had to ask twenty years ago.

Today we have to ask questions like:
Are you currently sexually active? If so, how many partners are you intimate with?
Have you ever have or currently have a sexual transmitted disease?
Have you ever slept with someone of the same sex?
Are you currently practicing safe sex?
Have you ever had unprotected sex and/or do not believe in wearing protection?

These are questions that one didn't ask back in the day, yet it’s a question that one must ask prior to intimacy. The problem appears to be how soon should you ask? Is it after a few dates when you can feel that intimacy is eminent? Or is it a question that should be asked before the first kiss? When do you start to initiate the sexual history conversation within a budding relationship? The double standard continues to prevail with men being hunters and all, if they have a vast number of sexual partners and experience then society deems that okay. Yet, for a woman she would be and still is dubbed a whore…slut…trick…tramp…etc,…As a woman, who has sown her fair share of oats, I have learned to reveal just enough but not too much, because as much as men say they want to know everything, hell women too for that matter, no one really wants to know all.

Women you must also understand that there is a basic formula that men use when it comes to the number of partners they think you have…the rule of thumb is whatever number the woman gives you multiply it by two (some formulas say 5) then after the age of 35 add one a year if she is single. Not a fair assessment and encompasses the double standard, but I am sure most women have had to learn that over the years if they have revealed too much, then it may have come back to haunt them during the relationship.

We all know that we have a past. There are no 35 or 40 year old virgins…everyone at some point in time have had sex with multiple partners. They have done various acts. You know that your new man or woman has had sex with one or however many partners, what each person has to decide is how much can they truly handle emotionally when it comes to asking their partner about their sexual past. On a personal note, I really don’t need to know how many women you have ever slept with, what is important to me is did you practice safe sex and have you ever slept with someone of the same sex. These two statements are key for me…yet others may have different standards. But I think for the most part, we have to broach this subject with an open mind and the basic level of understanding that the past is the past and it shouldn’t affect your future unless it is directly going to affect your health.

So when it comes to your sexual history, do you disclose or not and if so how much?



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