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Is Marriage Really "THE BIG WIN"

In the past weeks I have trolled several online communities and have witnessed various postings relating of, for, and about relationships. “Why He Won’t Marry”, “Men That Don’t Want Relationships”, “How To Propose To Your Man” and the list goes on and on. Getting that man to the church on time and not making him make you wait forever seems to be a common thread topic on most message boards.

People all over are celebrating the fact that now non-heterosexual couples can legally marry in California? Correct me if I am wrong, but haven't they been doing “commitment” ceremonies for years and hasn’t that been a way of showing their love and I don’t know maybe COMMITMENT to one another!!! Why is the chance to “marry” so important IF YOU ARE ALREADY COMMITTED EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND PHYSICALLY TO THE ONE YOU LOVE!!!! I don’t want to hear that they can now enjoy spousal benefits yada yada yada. Some companies, especially those in heavily populated non-heterosexual areas already offer Partner Benefits and/or Significant Other Benefits, in addition to these benefits, they also assist couples with creating living wills, which coincidentally are not just for non married couples but everyone should have one in the event of tragedy/emergencies so that your wishes are abided by.

It got me to thinking about the issue of marriage. Before I move forward, I must state, that I am an Uber romantic, I believe in love and I am a proponent for the institution and sanctity of marriage. I believe in individuals coming together to create a unit of one, but what I don’t believe in is the fact that marriage is the ultimate culmination or climax to that union. Two can become ONE without it…its not a piece of paper that makes you feel that way or even initiates that feeling, because that feeling of wholeness/oneness comes from within.

It may sound contradictory to some, but why is it that marriage is the general conclusion to a relationship? Can a couple not be as committed as a couple that has chosen and/or opted for the “legal certification”? I have witnessed countless couples that had lived together in perfect harmony for years without being married. Living as man and wife, commingling of the funds, sharing children, and incorporating one another into each others families and lifestyles, and yet once they get married, that union falls to pieces. The marriages lasted less than five years, yet the non marriage relationship lasted ten or more years. Is that legal certificate that mind blowing and altering to a relationship that it ultimately cannot survive? What changed in the relationship dynamic other than the fact of making the union “legal”? Did the living arrangements change? Has the love and affection, the caring and concern altered because of that piece of paper?

There are countless books on how to marry millionaires, make him fall in love with you, getting him to the altar, catch that man and keep him, etc…is it really no easier to walk away from a marriage than it is a relationship? I read that someone likened the position of girlfriend/boyfriend as a temporary job and the position of wife/husband of a permanent position, but aren’t most jobs now done on a temporary basis. Most people aren’t staying at and/or are not as loyal as they used to be to companies, so this was not a good analogy to base being married upon.

Some say that the marriage involves more investment financially, but is that so? Couples purchase homes and other community property items together without being married. Does that not make it harder for them financially to walk away? The issue of child support is a topic that is bandied about, but just because you are married doesn’t mean that getting the child support payments after a separation or divorce is any easier than those couples that have several children without being married.

Studies show that married men live longer because they have a wife to help aide them in their health issues. But studies neglect to survey those couples that are living together as man and wife, does he not live a longer, healthier life because his woman doesn’t help aide him with his health issues.

If it is the goal of the woman to not date the man indefinitely, then why is it that they stay with a man indefinitely without the benefit of “winning”? If a woman wishes to marry within in X number of years than its her responsibility to advise every man she “loves” and/or becomes involved with of that fact. The same goes for men who have no desire to marry and/or get involved in a relationship that that is not what he is seeking. If folks don’t believe in being temporary in their lives then they must state it as so. The burden, ladies, I say it a thousand times, the burden and onus is on you if you plan on acquiring the man/relationship you want.

With the divorce rate souring among individuals between the ages of 30-55, many couples are opting out of marrying as a means of showing their commitment to one another and are more inclined to live together without the benefit of the “legal certificate”. Maybe if there was a law instituted that after X number of years, folks would have to “renew” their marriage license, maybe even reevaluate their partners and current life status, than maybe folks won’t be so quick to rush to the altar with the strangers that they do.

Yeah, I know, that maybe to some I sound cynical and to that man that doesn’t know Sassy, I may even sound bitter, because men say that to me a lot, my smart mouth is not bitterness, its glib ascerbity! That said I know that one of the main benefits to marriage is just that, medical benefits, but other than that, individuals can share love and affection from their significant other.




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