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How Deep Is Your Love...

I wonder how deep love truly is…you know it’s the end of the year and I have been reflecting on love, money, men, success, power, sex, relationships...just life in general. I have had money come to me and go…I have had success come to me in stages, and I have seen friends professional careers take off with a blast. But what I have noticed the most, what intrigues me the best is the inner workings of relationships…why are they together, what makes them tick…what keeps them together, and what will be the straw that breaks the camels back.

I have watched couples come together in holy matrimony and I’ve seen couples torn apart by selfishness, jealousy, money woes, and infidelity. See, it’s the latter that I am focusing on…because I know of some older couples, and the men have been running women all of my life…just straight ole time womanizing men… and I think to myself, the women involved, their wives really took their vows seriously. And for some who have girlfriend status for more than 20 years…well IMO they are just stuck in stupid.

A few months ago I was in a transitional stage with a friend and I asked him what did he want from me and he stated he wanted me to be his friend…well, having the feelings I had for him at that time, I told him that I couldn’t be his friend. And he said that that sounds like you have conditions to your love for me and I told him I did…I wasn’t going to “be his friend” while he developed a relationship with another woman….sorry, but at that time I just wasn’t there ….however as I mull over our situation it was more ego than a deep abiding love, and now we are cool.

Again, reflecting, reminiscencing, seeing, witnessing blatant infidelities of folks over the years and I say to myself “she is a better woman than I”…I say that because I have seen men cheat and philander on their wives not once, but a number of times. I know a man, who would leave and go with a trollop for a dalliance---not for a day or two, but this brother would leave for years on end. When that ended he would come home and his wife would take him back with open arms. He would stay with her for a while and the process would start over again…now I saw this throughout my entire life and I am 40…AND now this brother is sick…when he took sick, his then “girlfriend” took his sick ass to the hospital, called his wife up and said “you can come pick your husband up at…” and his wife couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. He is stricken with cancer and who is taking of him…his wife. Actually, it bothers me, but she is happier than a faggot in a seaside camp…I looked at her and was like, you have got to be joking…and I realized, I couldn’t love someone that much. Not more than I love myself…not anymore….That is why I say she (and women like her) are better woman than I.

See I feel that God knows my heart and he knows how vindictive I can be (I know it doesn’t sound good, but whatever thought)…yeah I know it doesn’t pay to be vengeful, but fuck it…I am…I know that if my husband/lover/significant other treated me in this manner and he was to fall sick, I know that I wouldn’t take care of his ass…sorry, but my love isn’t that deep. My love isn’t that unconditional…yeah there are conditions to Sassy’s love…you want me to love, honor and cherish, I expect the same. In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, I expect the same, but most especially if you plan on fucking around and take ill…I am so not the one…let that woman that you were so besotted with take care of you…let that percenter in your life wipe your ass, and clean your shit, and dress your wounds…

I know some people are going to say that is why you aren’t married….or this is probably why I will never marry…but I am being as honest as I can. I know that my love has conditions to it…and that main condition is that I expected to be treated the same as I have treated them…now if that is too hard, there are plenty of other fish in the sea whose expectations aren’t as high and/or as stringent as mine.

When I was younger and more idyllic and romanticized situations, I wanted to believe in the notion of unconditional love…and I do believe there is an unconditional love of a parent to a child…however, IMO that is as far as it goes…so when folks say they love me unconditionally, I know they may think they do, but they don’t…because we all have conditions to our love.

How deep does your love flow for your significant other? Is it an unconditional, deep and true love? Will it withstand all of the ills, pitfalls, trials, and tribulations that can happen over time in relationships? What if he/she took ill and you knew they hadn’t been faithful…would you nurse them back to health?

I’m interested in your thoughts…



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