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Fair-Weather Friends

Fair-weather friends, only want to be around you in the good times. Fair-weather friends always think you have a motive for being their friend. Fair-weather friends, need justification from others on their looks, and status in life...fair-weather friends are not friends at all, rather they are minions of society whom only are concerned about themselves. They hurt others in the process and that is just a casualty of the system...because in the end, a fair-weather friend is only out to get what they can out of the friendship. In the end you realize that whom you thought was a friend, was just an aquaintance that should've never made it into your inner circle. They should have always been on the outer fringes of your life.

My definition of a friend is someone that is with you through the good and bad times. A person that can tell you honestly that you phucked up and still laugh with you, at you, and at your mistakes, triumphs, sorrows, and joys. A friend that will hold you up when you need them to, and hold you back from harmful or distructive behaviors. A friend doesn't let the words of another person place doubt in your mind on anything, because if that person is your friend, then you would know their character inside and out and that a real friend wouldn't say anything behind your back that they can't say to your face. A real friend should be able to praise and criticize without fear of retribution.

I have to talk about a situation that has been weighing on my mind and heart for the past few months. For the last thirty years I had a best friend (at least that's what I thought we were), I believed to be a true friend. This friendship started in middle school and I was too young to see it then...but from the beginning of our friendship, I have had to always justify myself to this person, especially when it came down to a man telling lies about me. I put it down to the insecurities that we, as women tend to have when we are know, wanting to be pretty enough and fit in. It had gotten to a point where we stopped speaking for five years right after high school and I was the one to break the ice and hand her a dove. That rift in our friendship was over twenty years ago, but sadly, some mannerisms and thought processess never change.

Now we fast-forward to 2007 and another man has caused this friendship to be lost- forever. I didn't want it to end, I even sent her a Christmas card and I called her two times prior to that, all with no contact...Yes, it has endured its share of ups and downs over the last thirty odd years, but I never thought at the age of 40 (I turn 40 on June 7th) that I would have to continue to justify myself because of something a man has said. This childish game of he-said/she-said, culminated a few months ago, when she kept telling me that she wished to speak to me and not over the phone. Initially, I didn't think about it, but when she repeated it several more times, I took offense because it sounded like she didn't trust my words over the phone and that she had to gauge my action/reaction in person. She had to see me, to believe me...and she said to me at that time, "that if it means that we won't be friends anymore then so be it"...I said what I had to say to her, and I hung up the phone offended and hurt, because I thought our friendship meant more to her than that.

YES, YES, YES, this situation is alot deeper AND goes back to our twenties....this situation has more twists, and turns and would make for a great novel, but it would hurt alot of innocent people in the rather than put the parties involved out there...(because lets face it, they know who they are)...I just wanted to release some heartache to let everyone know...that Sassy is human too...

Take this time and opportunity to tell your friends that you love them and if there is doubt in your mind about any of your friends, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.



Anonymous said…
Wow Sassy,
Looks like you handled this a lot better than I probably would have. This is the main reason why I keep such a small circle of friends. My associates are many, but my circle is made up of a chosen few. This is not because I think that I am all that or anything along those lines. It's just that (ALL) of us have issues some great and some small. There is only so many hours in the day to deal with my own crap let alone somebody elses. LOL Consider this "friendship-breakup" a blessing. Spend your precious time and energy on some new friends.

Peace & Love,
SassyScribe said…
Happy New Year to you...glad to have you back.

Yes, I weathered this storm, but it still hurts...


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