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The Marriage Contract

I am single, and I think that having companionship, love, and intimacy are one of the strong points of being married. Here I am spending another holiday alone, as I watch with envious eyes as my married friends celebrate as a unit. When I tell them that I value what it is they have and would like to have that myself one day, I get these strange looks like "please, its not all that". I'm told that folks would give their eye teeth to be like me for one day. Single and Free...I say go for it...see how much fun it is not to have a confidant to take you through the good and bad times...see how much fun it is to always know that each memorable moment in your life, your birthday, holidays, and other family/friend gatherings that you may go to- you will always go alone. So in a conversation I told them jokingly, that if the marriage had been a true contract of stipulations say marriages must last a minimum of ten years prior to renewing your contract. That each renewal year had to be made in person (by both parties) in a court of law (in the state you currently reside in), would you renew your contract with your spouse?

I ask because I hear married folk always telling me how lucky I am being single, not having to worry about other people and concerning myself with informing someone of my whereabouts. That I have it made because I can come and go as I please. It made me ask them...given your current state of flux, unhappiness, stagnation, etc...if your marriage had a time limit or a contract renewal clause how willing would you be to renew your contract with your spouse? I was quite shocked at the responses that I lady advised me that it would depend on the current status of the relationship prior to the renewal.

"If your a real woman in a real relationship you will be more willing to renew the contract, because we as women want our relationships to work. We have to go back and evaluate the relationship and see if we have grown as individuals and as well as a couple"

She also stated that as women, if it [the relationship] is sour immediately prior to the renewal then it won't get signed, however, if it was sour then all of a sudden it gets good we will sign the contract. We tend to not really ponder too much on the bad he did, because of the desire to have our relationships work.

A gentlemen friend of mine that is married, stated that he'd renew his contract with is his wife, because he said she is his best friend and not only is she good to him, she is good for him. Another male aquintance said "Hell No"...he said with all of the free single pussy floating around non renewal of his contract would allow him greater leverage. He went on to say that because of his marriage women won't engage in any type of sexual antics for fear of karma. He obviously isn't looking hard enough, because its alot of women out here more than willing to sleep with another woman's man.

A former collegue of mine told me that in the 23 years that he and his wife had been together, that they have grown apart and back together three times...he said that they even contemplated separation, but in the end, they sought counceling and were able to get a better understanding of the issues in their relationship. Thus, he said, that their good times together far outweighed the bad.

Only one of the women that I talked to stated that she would not renew her contract, because she said marrying her husband was a mistake from the beginning. She said that she only married him because the man she is in love with is married to someone else. Then she stated that she didn't want to be like me...never married (yes, I know that is a major slap in the face- but what can you do).

As I sit back and remnants of all of the conversations flash in my mind, it makes me realize that for the most part most marriages are pretty good. That although some folks aren't 100% happy all of the time [but who is], they are satisfied with their partners, and think that as the years go by they are hopefull, that their bond will grow stronger.

For those of you that are married...would you be willing to renew your contract with your current spouse or does the appeal of being single makes you want to test the waters?


Anonymous said…
Hey Sassy,
I am married and I would definitely renew my contract. I am not saying that because my marriage has been perfect. I am saying that because I truly love my wife and we are best friends. My wife has a lot of flaws and I have many more than she has. We have been through a lot of ups and downs over the years but yet we have made it through everyone of our "Life battles" so far. Yes, Karma is a bad mutha' and I speak from hands on experience. NOBODY SHOULD BE SLEEPING WITH ANYBODY ELSES MAN OR WOMAN! IT WILL COME BACK ON YOU BEFORE YOU LEAVE THIS EARTH!!!!!!!!!!! Consider yourself warned from somebody who knows...

There have been some times when I have wanted to walk away or holla at another woman for a night or two, but at the end of the day all of that other stuff is just temporary! I had "temporary" when I was out on the dating scene. That got old after the years eventhough it was nice having a variety of options before me in my single years. We all grow at different points in our lives. Your NEVER too old to find your mate and get married if that is something that you desire. The natural progression for mankind is to put some roots in the ground so you can leave a decent legacy for years to come. I would hate the fact of growing old alone without my wife or my children. If God were to come and take my wife and children from me, then I would definitely pray for a new family in my future. I don't want to be dead and gone and not remembered a hundred years after leaving this earth. Who would I leave all of my wealth too? Definitely not Uncle Sam!!!! This is something that my share cropper grandfather instilled in me from his fore-parents who were barely out of slavery. My family still speaks fondly of our previous generation kin-folks because they had so little but they left us so much more before they passed on.

Tell your peeps that are unhappy to communicate this feeling to their spouses as soon as possible. The first thing a therapist is going to tell you is to put your issues out on the table and see if you can deal with them. A lot of us don't want to confront the issues which makes matters worse with resentment, disdain, distrust, disgust, sexual frustration, dishonesty, cheating, anger & hate. Both parties usually come to discover each others flaws and are more willing to be there for the other individual. This is how marriages get stronger, when each of you realize your different strengths and weakness and see how powerful you are together rather than apart. Again, I hope you can give some of your married Sistah friends this perspective that are "unhappy" and see if you can get some more favorable responses in the future.

Peace & Love,
SassyScribe said…
You know...I always feel that communication will make you stronger. Be husband/wife, parents/children, employee/employer, friend/friend...communication can enhance all of the relationships that we have.
It amazes me that couples will do any and everything with/to one another when it comes down to sex. Yet the thought of talking about ones hopes, fears, dreams, and issues, tends to keep ones mouth closed, in the vain hope that maybe the issue will resolve itself or rather go away.

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