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Celibacy vs Abstinence

Recently, I have discussed with women the notion of celibacy vs abstinence.

Alot of women are saying that they are embracing celibacy (some for 4 or more years) because they have not found a qualified black man. Well first of all, what the piss (my friend Reggie says that alot LOL) is a qualified black man? I counter that with, by qualified do you mean, kind, considerate, compassionate, romantic, humorous, witty, charming---in a word F U N. A qualified man is a man that makes you feel good about you and about being with him, it is not a man that can take care of you financially. I don't see anything wrong with celibacy for anyone.

However, celibacy would be carrying things a bit far for me. I am an uninhibited woman, BUT I am willing to embrace abstinence.

Is it abstinance if you say:

"I reject my penis"...

Is it celibacy if you say I don't have sex but I masterbate?

Is masterbation considered abstinance? These are questions that come to mind...hell, sometimes we get so horny that it hurts (next blog)...

Some men only want release from oral satisfaction, is that abstinence? Is oral sex, even sex?

Some men say they don't feel the need to vaginally penetrate, but is that the case or is it that they are not feeling the person that want's them to penetrate them in that way? What about the man who is abstaining from sexual pleasure, because of a focus and/or concentration on a greater professional goal? Flip that to women...there are women who deem themselves "born again virgins", now you and I know there is no such animal, but there is that notion that they are currently abstaining from sexual pleasure because of a value that they are re-establishing within themselves. They deem it necessary for their self preservation to make the next man they lay with the last man they lay with. If they feel he isn't going to be the one, then they abstain from having sexual relations with him.

What do you all think --- is celibacy and abstinence a good value or is it overrated?



Anonymous said…
One entry found for celibacy.

Main Entry: cel·i·ba·cy
Pronunciation: 'se-l&-b&-sE
Function: noun
1 : the state of not being married
2 a : abstention from sexual intercourse b : abstention by vow from marriage
One entry found for abstinence.

Main Entry: ab·sti·nence
Pronunciation: 'ab-st&-n&n(t)s
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin abstinentia, from abstinent-, abstinens, present participle of abstinEre
1 : voluntary forbearance especially from indulgence of an appetite or craving or from eating some foods
2 a : habitual abstaining from intoxicating beverages b : abstention from sexual intercourse
Anonymous said…
Hey Sassy,
I see it all as an individual mindset. I have juggled with this subject in my past more times than not before I got married. I view (Celibacy) more on a spiritual level where you pretty much shut down on all aspects of the sexual experience. You basically deny yourself as you stated in order to focus on other aspects of your life. In other words - I love and respect sex in and of itself but I no desire to indulge in it at this juncture in my life.

On the other hand, I view (abstinence) as "Hey, I would really like to tear somebody up but I haven't found the one that I want!" so to speak. I know quite a few single people that have chosen celebracy as a way of life until they find the person that they want to be sleeping buddies with, hang with, date, court, marry or just shack-up with. I also know some folks that have been abstinent for years for a myriad of other reasons, ie; the opportunity just hasn't presented itself (fat - ugly - homey - nasty folks), their scared of catching something, old age, health, Life, whatever.

I view masturbation, oral stimulation, visual stimulation as SEX! To me, all sex starts in the MIND anyway! My wet dreams were off the chain back in middle school! LOL My wife and I have had some of the best sex and made love many of times without even touching and with both of us being fully clothed! I am talking about the most mutually gratifying sexapades that you could imagine! So in my humble opinion, if you are sitting around the house watching pornos, flipping through XXX magazines, dialing up the phone sex lines so you can get off then you are having SEX! Nobody knows how to make you cum better than your dag on self! It's a beautiful thing when you can get somebody else to come close though isn't it?!?!?! Whew...It's getting hot in here and I cannot take off all of my clothes in this office! LOL

Peace & Love,

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