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Ties That Bind

How important is it that the people in your life understand, acknowledge, approve, and accept, the decisions that you make?

Is it important for your loved ones to have a general understanding of what is is you do and why you're doing it? I have been milling this question around for the past few weeks...

I have major default mechanicism, a void rather for acceptance in all aspects of my life. "What would my family say" is always in my mind. How will they respond if I were to say this ____, or how would they feel if they knew that I ____whatever.

I am too freaking conscious to make sure that others see me in a certain way. I've always had this desire to please make sure they they were happy and even if I wasn't I gave a good impression that I was. It is important for me to show that I can strong when it comes down to certain situations and aspects. The reality of it is...I present a tough exterior to all, but underneath I am soft. I am very vulnerable (God I hate that word and feeling). I feel that vulnerabilty is a weakness, and it is important for me to appear strong. But what good is it to appear strong, when I'm not...why do I feel that showing weakness is a character flaw? I think to some its not others it may be. Deep down I wasn't...not really and truly happy. But to "save face" I pretended alot, pushed alot of thoughts and feelings down, afraid to express my true self to those that really know me. It was easier to do that, rather than to have and see their looks of disgust for what they feel is my weakness. My family has always wanted folks to be strong, it was and is important to show that strength, and to surpress that weakness...but as we get older, we have to learn a balance. I need to learn how to balance my true self with my true feelings to those that matter the most to me...and that will not be an easy feat...



Soulchild74 said…
I have learned that if you are not honest with who you are then your family is loving a stranger.

I know the older you get the more you don't care. It's easier to feel that way the older you get because you are comfortable enough and financially stable enough to handle rejection from your family. When we are younger, we feel we need to have our family members love us and we do everything to please them. We don't want to be abandoned. What we don't realize is that the older our parents get the more they don't want to be abandoned either. The chances of them turning you away are slim.

No matter what you are going through remember that you have earned a place in life and you don't have to please anyone on this earth. I live with the motto, "when you die, you are the only one going in that box so be happy while you are alive".

Blessings Sass.

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