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42.4% and Marrigae

On Friday, March 17, 2006, I facilitated a group of 40 men and women for a Grown and Sexy talk in Woodbridge, VA.

The talk revolved around the phenomenon of 42.4% of African American women over the age of 30 will never marry. That is due in large part to the number of African American women that are achieving higher success in obtaining under graduate and graduate degrees. They are rising to the top in their chosen field and/or profession, and often times surpassing the African American male in both of these categories.

However, the fact remains that 42.4% of US {yes, I too am part of this statistic} will never marry. I think one of the main reasons for this, is that many African American women are afraid to submit. When you have the majority of African American women leading households and have been doing so successfully, it is hard to release those reigns and allow another person complete control of YOUR life.

Lets face it, if she has been struggling as a single mother for years, if she didn't work then her child/ren did not eat, their housing was threatened, as was their basic daily needs. When you look at the history of the sister(s) in question, yes there is a power struggle. Sorry that most men choose not to deal with that, but that is the point. Men say they want strong independent women, but in reality they do not.

How do we breach this barrier.

I am confident, opinionated, outspoken, and vocal, in my wants, needs, and desires. I have concluded that I will remain part of that 42.4%, maybe its my destiny or fate. Maybe that is the book God wrote for me...thus, it does not make me a bad or terrible woman. So quite frankly, I am tired of men saying they want independent women, but in reality, she can't be too independent, nor too needy. There is a delicate balance that a sister that wishes to marry and have a successful relationship must do. The most important is that she must learn to know herself first and not be afraid to submit to the relationship and to her man.

I haven't reached that point as yet of desperation and/or loneliness. I am not without my companions {I date}, family, and friends and for right now, that is enough.



Anonymous said…
Straight B.S. The fact of the matter is that 42.4% of the women dont know how to be a good woman to a man. Just because you have a job doesnt mean you shouldn't support your man and recognize him as the head of the household. "Sistas" get egos, and think they are "doing it" because they get a little success in the world. Last time I checked they are still getting 68 cents to a mans dollar, right or wrong- they need to check their egos at the door. People are supposed to strive to do well- man or woman. "Sistas" want extra credit for doing what they should be doing anyway- getting a career and bettering themselves-its like a man wanting credit for taking care of his kids- a job he should do anyway. If y'all knew your biblical place as supportive to the man you wouldn't have these prioblems. Women scream equal rights but dont wanna take out the trash, change a tire or fix the sink. You cant have it both ways- you want your "respect" then dont expect us to pick up the tab, open your door or pay the mortgage. And dont get on the topic of keeping ourselves up! Why should we accept your extra 40 pounds especially if you never had a child? "Take me as I am" is a cop out for a lazy person- get in the gane and do better. Let me get a gut and stop shaving and see if you dont start screwing the UPS man. graduate degrees dont compensate for general manners, fitness, respect toward others and deferrance towards the male. You can read 1000 books and have a dozen degrees, but that BS doesnt warm your car up in the AM or keep your bed warm at night. Stop making excuses for your other shortcomings and hiding behing professional accredidations. Betty Shabazz, Coretta Scott King and Camielle Cosby all put dinner on the table. Do your job at home and you wont have any problems. Try being a 6' 200+ pound black man in the white corporate world and see how you like it. All white men have a taste for the female"nigga juice", so where do you think that leaves the brothers who are attractive to their bosses white women?
Anonymous said…
Whats up with the comment moderation?
SassyScribe said…
I moderated all comments. What's up with posting "anonymous" comments...???
SassyScribe said…
WOW! I touched a nerve huh man?

Ego has nothing to do with it. The comment was about the high percentage of women that are not married or will never marry. That is due in large part of people {male and female} making the wrong choices with the wrong people. I know, I've done it myself.

"The fact of the matter is that 42.4% of the women dont know how to be a good woman to a man." I suppose that men know how to be good men. That means YOU can recognize a good woman? What is your definition of a "good woman"?

As for the biblical reference, lest not forget that the bible says "a wife must submit to the husband, as to the husband shall submit to the wife". Submission is a two way street that both genders need to work on.

"Sistas are doing it for themselves" so why is that such a problem for you. Just like you said they are making 68 cents less than a man, your making 48 cents less than the white man, yet you think your still doing it...

And your latter comment on "nigga juice" came out of left field.

Obviously there seems to be some feelings here, because everything I write you seem to comment on. I think I know who you are, you obviously know me personally, because your comments are too emotional to be otherwise. Why don't you just sign your name instead of posting "anonymous"...
launch said…
that was an interesting question that you posted which is appropriate for a progressive striving forum for free speech. as you said we have all made mistakes in the mate selection process. In the end you must be happy with who you are and be happy. For you will turn off the alleged good one if you don't honestly know who you are and what you want. not what your parents, friends, society want for you. you in the end make the choice. So say what you mean and mean what you say.don't fret over past mistakes on the "what if" learn from your mistakes, admit them, ask for forgivenss and move on. that is a sign of maturity and a chance for you to finally find the one that is right for you. singleness is a time to find oneself. maybe some are destined for singleness by God. in my town we have a store that has a saying " an educated consumer is our best customer". in the mate selection, we should get rid of perceived roadblocks and be honest in our selection process. Don't expect more of your significant than you are willing to give. so if you use that line in the bible as you stated women submit to your husbands, husbands must show themselves submissive as well to the Lord. For how you treat the lord will show how you will treat your significant. i myself am a recovering do as i say not as i do person in relationships; so it s a process of growth. keep up the great work

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