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Honesty & Dating...

In a group discussion, the subject of honesty in men and women came up. How important is honesty in a relationship.

Now some, {an ex or two, that is}, would say I know nothing of honesty. When I started dating in the beginning of 2005, I have found that men cannot handle honesty in women. In all of my dealings and relationships with people, I am as honest as I can be without being cruel, crass,, brisk, or brash. I want to be honest and upfront about every aspect of my life. The issue that I run into is this, men say they want honesty, but they really don't. Now I know that we as "mere" females, say we want the truth and SOME of us can't handle the truth, but the point is as honest as we are to you all, we want that right back. If your not feeling me, say so. What's so wrong with saying "Sassy, you're a great woman, but I'm just not feeling you in that way." Its honest, upfront, and two the point. It eliminates me from the "grand scheme" of things, and therefore, we can continue with a friendship {if that's possible} or not. Besides, when we are dating...who says the rule has to be that we ALL must immediately vibe and fall in love? Most of the men that I have met have turned into really good friends. We enjoy one another's company, talking on the phone, dinner, and the movies. There is no pressure on either of us to do any more or less than we want to. The only problem I have with most of the men I meet, is the question of dating. They don't like the fact that I am dating other men.

When men ask me am I dating I answer yes. Which brings up another issue...Men and women have two different definitions of dating. My definition of dating - "a series of events, where two people can get to learn/know one another." These events may be over dinner, dancing, the movies, phone conversations, etc., but they have set in stone a tenet for a relationship. It is however, establishing a learning process of at first friendship, liking, then eventually love. If you get to that stage. This process is not without its obstacles. See when we open our lives up to new people, we also open our lives to their dramas, bullshit, family, and friends. By admitting new individuals into your life, you have accepted that there will be some growing pains to this new development in your life. Honestly, it will take you 30 - 90 days to find out the true character of the person your dealing with. If we were honest, and I am, I can tell whether or not I am going to vibe with you from a phone conversation, the intonation of your words, the sound of your voice, tells me whether or not I could vibe with someone. It may seem superficial to some, even shallow to others, but why waste time when I can feel, that we are not a good fit.

This does not just go for people of the opposite sex, but for people of the same sex. I have met and/or talked to women that I know right off the bat, that our personalities will not mesh.

Yet the issue at hand still men and women value honesty in relationships? The comments should be interesting...



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