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Should We Question...

Should we question future lovers in reference to their past and/or present sexual history?

Michael Baisden asked this question on his radio show {10-11-05}. He stated that over the weekend he had asked a woman how many current or past lovers she had and she became irate, telling him that that question was inappropriate for a first date. He said that it wasn't. Personally, I feel that it was.

Why would I divulge such information on a first date? I/we may find out that we don't really like on another. We both know immediately upon sight how far the relationship will/will not go. Myself, I know within minutes of meeting a man whether or not I would sleep with him. I can tell that from phone conversations. Some voices turn me on, others turn me to a friend...

This topic prompted an indepth discussion amongst my friends. As women, all in our late thirties, we sat down and began to make a list {yes a list} of the lovers that we had...having become sexually active in our teens, the list was---enlightening.

All of us agreed that the question was inappropiate for a first date, however, if there is a natural progression towards oneness, then that question is not inappropiate. In fact, it is vital to know past sexual histories to make sure you're compatible. Sex is important to ALL relationships, because sexual imcompatibility leads to unhappiness and unfulfillment. Which in turn, leads to cheating...but thats another topic.

If we are honest, men cannot handle the fact that a woman that they may potentially date has had multiple lovers. The adage is if a woman gives you a number, you automatically double it! The old double standard comes into play, because it is expected that men will have several lovers over the course of his life. Yet, when a woman has the same, if not more experience, her potential for "wife" with is lessened.

Honestly men, if you met a woman and the vibe between the two of you was great, and you asked her that question and her answer was 20 and she was 40, and if you had the adage of doubling that number...your view of her may become skewed. One would think her promiscuous, loose, easy, etc...when in fact, she was a liberated female who enjoyed herself and indulged in some of lifes pleasures.

As a woman, I think that people should ask questions of a potential mate. But as an adult, we must understand, that if this person is only on the outer fringes of your life, then they have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT, to ask any questions.

I'm interested to know what the men think on this topic. Looking forward to reading your comments...


SassyScribe

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