Skip to main content

More Black Women Consider 'Dating Out'

This article was mailed to me...what do you think about it...should sisters consider that maybe their prince charming isn't a Black Knight, but rather a White one? Read on and share your thoughts...

______________________________________________________________________
More Black Women Consider 'Dating Out'
By DIONNE WALKER, Associated Press Writer Sat Aug 4, 3:44 PM


RICHMOND, Va. - For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom's strict rule.

"Mom always told me, 'Don't you ever bring a white man home,'" recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers.

But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating "anyone who asks me out," regardless of race.

"I don't sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I'm going to marry," Jones said.

Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America's history of slavery and segregation.

They're taking cues from their favorite stars _ from actress Shar Jackson to tennis pro Venus Williams _ as well as support blogs, how-to books and interracially themed novels telling them it's OK to "date out."

It comes as statistics suggest American black women are among the least likely to marry.

"I'm not saying that white men are the answer to all our problems," Jones said. "I'm just saying that they offer a different solution."

She reflects many black women frustrated as the field of marriageable black men narrows: They're nearly seven times more likely to be incarcerated than white men and more than twice as likely to be unemployed.

Census data showed 117,000 black wife-white husband couples in 2006, up from 95,000 in 2000.

There were just 26,000 such couples in 1960, before a Supreme Court ruling banished laws against mixed marriages.

Black female-white male romance has become a hot topic in black-geared magazines and on Web sites, even hitting the big screen in movies like last year's "Something New."

That film centers on an affluent black woman who falls for her white landscaper, a situation not unlikely as black women scale the corporate ladder, said Evia Moore, whose interracial marriage blog draws 1,000 visitors a day.

It features articles like "Could Mr. Right Be White?" and pictures of couples like white chef Wolfgang Puck and his new Ethiopian wife.

"Black women are refusing to comply with that message about just find yourself a good blue-collar man with a job, or just find a black man," Moore said.

She pointed to low rates of black men in college, a place where women of all races often meet their spouses.

Black women on campus largely are surrounded by non-black men: In 2004, 26.5 percent of black males ages 18 to 24 were enrolled in college versus 36.5 percent of black women that age, according to the American Council on Education's most recent statistics.

Even after college, Roslyn Holcomb struggled to meet professional black men.

"I wanted to get married (and) have children," she said. "If I was only meeting one guy a year, or every few years, that wasn't going to happen."

The Alabama author eventually married white.

"I think a lot of black women are realizing or feeling that the pickings are slim," she said.

They're made even slimmer, grumble many black women, by high rates of successful black men choosing blondes. For some, they argue, white wives are the ultimate status symbol.

"They don't want a dark chocolate sister laying around their swimming pool," Moore said.

Nearly three quarters of the 403,000 black-white couples in 2006 involved black husbands.

Meanwhile, psychological barriers have discouraged black women from crossing racial lines.

"Black women are socialized to stick by their men," explained Kellina Craig-Henderson, a Howard University psychology professor who studied 15 black women dating interracially.

She said modern black women agonize over breaking male-female bonds forged in slavery and strengthened through the Jim Crow era.

"It may be even more of an issue for educated black women who have a sense of the historical realities of this country, where black women often were abused at the hands of white men," Craig-Henderson said.

Jones remembered being troubled when a white man politely approached her around 1990. Her stance softened years later, after a sobering party experience.

"All the black men literally pushed (us) out the way to talk to the blondes," said Jones, who soon declared, "I'm going to date whoever."

Black men and women have openly feuded before.

At places like Atlanta's Spelman College, black women have rallied against black male rappers characterizing them as promiscuous.

But black men are voicing their own frustrations with women they feel regard them with suspicion. "They treat us all the same," said W. Randy Short, a Washington writer who dates across races. "The rapist on the TV is the same as me."

It's a frustration director Tim Alexander tackles in "Diary of a Tired Black Man," a frank film covering everything from black women's demeanors to their weight. Frustrated by black women, the main character dates a white one.

"To a certain degree, black people are sick of each other," Alexander said. "It would be better for black men and black women to open their options."

But Ayo Handy-Kendi, creator of Black Love Day, argues blacks are simply reacting to messages linking success with whiteness. She referred to a string of successful athletes with white partners, including golfer Tiger Woods.

"They normally rejected their culture and they went to the acceptable standard of success _ a white woman," said Handy-Kendy, who thought it ironic high-achieving black women were mimicking the behavior.

Back in Virginia, Jones feels life is too short to ponder race when it comes to love.
As for mom, Jones figures, "she really admires the fact that I did something she may have really wanted to do, and never did."


__________________________________________________________________
I'm just SassyScribe the messenger...but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this article...

SassyScribe
www.blogtalkradio.com/sassyentertainment
www.xcapadesofthegirlz.blogspot.com
www.sapharibooks.com
www.myspace.com/sassyscribe
www.asksassyscribe.blogspot.com

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

So Horny...It Hurts!

As usual my discussions stem from random thoughts that I have and from conversations with friends, family, & acquaintances. But we were talking about sex and levels of horniness and one of us spoke up and said, "I'm so horny...it hurts!" (Hmmm...I thought about this and came here...to you...)

Have you ever gotten to the point where you are so horny it hurts! Its a physical ache deep in your bones. Every muscle and sinew, every step, stretch, and run, is so physically excrutiating to the point of being unbearable! You know sometimes your eyes cross, you get bumps on your face, and your nerves are completely on edge. You say your are angry and frustrated when in fact all you need is a little hot monkey sex to get you back in order...In situations like that, your body has a tendency to shut down on itself.

As I write this, I wonder how many of us are so horny that it hurts? I honestly feel that dyck and puzzy are a dime a dozen...anyone, and I do mean anyone, regardless o…

Are Women Whores for Money?

I have been thinking about this topic for a minute and I plan to discuss it at length soon, but for right now, I just have one question, or rather an observation.

Is it me or are women whores for money? Are women whores for a certain lifestyle to the point that they sell their souls to live the good life? They don't care if their man is phucking half of the nation so long as he brings the bacon home to them. They don't care if he looks like the broad side of a bus or the bottom of a shoe, so long as his dollars are long and his pockets are deep. I've heard women say, {self included} that so long as he was making money that he could do any damn thing he wanted...but that is a hypothetical situation. In real life, having dated men with money, I realized one thing - they are the most arrogant assholes around! So I had to say to myself what was more important, that man, that man and his money, that man his money and his lifestyle I was enthralled by, or my self respect. Guess w…

Summer Time is OVA & WSER Sassy Entertainment Radio™ Is Back!!!

Summertime is over and Sassy & Dlyte are back for more love and sexuality talk on WSER Sassy Entertainment Radio™!!!

September 2nd Sassy and Dlyte dishes the 411 on their favorite and the sexiest most musicological artist of all time PRINCE ROGERS NELSON with Barbara Rogers Rashid founder of the FloridaNPG Fan club as she shares her recent visit with the Purple One at Paisley Park Studios.

September 9th - Tim Alexander Castles Studios Filmaker and director of DIARY OF A TIRED BLACK MAN joins in the discussion on the state of black men and women and relationships.

September 16th - When To Give Into Intimacy is it the 3rd date, 3 months, or 6 months...??? Sassy & Dlyte will discuss if and/or when is there a right time to move forward with an intimate relationship.



September 23rd - Filmmaker & Director Dennis Dortch visits WSER to discuss his latest movie GOOD DAY TO BE BLACK & SEXY a movie about Black love and sexuality as well as the current state of black relationships.