Virtual Dating or VD is a term adopted by myself and the women in my circle when it comes to dating. Virtual Dating is the process of dating via email, instant message, and texting- only. It's the lazy man's way of attempting to procure a relationship with a woman, through various portal's of media, that are increasingly less personal. There is nothing less personal than a text message, an email, or even an instant message--after you have gone through the initial process of the "getting to know you phase". Yes, these avenues are used when initially dealing with a person, as a getting to know you process. Some have used it for other nefarious reasons of sending photo's of there genitalia to prospective suitors. However, in the beginning, at times it is easier to say what you will via a less personal method, as it allows one to "take in" so to speak what you said. It is less invasive, because you do not see the reaction to someone saying "I have ...

Who knew that the dating game would change so drastically over the last twenty years? So many factors play into what changed the game and I feel that the number factor was the internet? The internet made it easier for shy, introverted, sometimes unattractive, uninspiring, lazy, physically disabled and in some instances obese individuals the opportunity to meet a potential love match online. I know what I said is not politically correct, but it’s the ugly truth. On the other hand, it also made it easier for that busy executive and/or a workaholic, single parents, and newly single individuals to find a love match as well. Let’s face facts it’s a helluva lot easier to point, click, accept or reject via the anonymity of the internet as opposed to attending a singles event such as speed dating or a singles meet and greet. Sidebar: 35,000 people meet and marry online every year…which I am sure will give some folks hope. Ideally no one thought and/or believed they would be single again and/o...

Excerpt from forthcoming book... Sassy’s Rules of Dating 2009© SassyScribe (Saundra E. Harris) Saphari Books, Inc. The first rule of dating is to go on the date with no expectations. We as women set ourselves up when we go on a date with this mindset. Keep an open mind. Be charming and friendly. Do not send a representative in your stead, be your self, because any act or sham will come out later. Again this is something that took me four years to learn. When I date, I go on the date with one expectation, and that is to have fun. I enjoy the food, the conversation, the laughter, or whatever it is he has planned for the evening. Even if there is no love connection, I have opened up my life to a possible new acquaintance. There are some tried and true questions that one should ask on a date, most especially a first date. Truth be told, some questions should’ve been asked in advance. I firmly believe that when you meet a person, you can find out some things in the first twenty minutes o...

Three years ago I read an article in the Washington Post by Joy Jones entitled “Marriage is for White People” and the article talked to adolescent children who claimed that marriage was for white people. It went on to state various statistics, i.e. since the 1960’s the marriage rate for African American’s has continued to drop. Statistics such as this and others of its ilk about Black women and the Black community prompted me to ask why is it that marriage is not preached, instilled, taught, or encouraged in our community. Having grown up in a two parent household, whose parents are still alive and together, I witnessed love, struggle, trials, and tribulations. I witnessed infidelity and counseling, and two people working together to create, grow, build, learn, and love---together. It is the reason why I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe in standing before God and repeating vows to merge your lives into one. I believe in the sacrament of the vows. What I don’t believe in, ...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: SassyScribe Media Entertainment P.O. Box 232 Pasadena, MD 21123 sassyscribemediaent@yahoo.com IT’S JUST A DAMN DATE: Why We Expect Too Much Too Soon April 7, 2009, ( Baltimore , MD ): Sassy and Dlyte sit down with author Tariiq Omari Walton, and discuss his best selling book ITS JUST A DAMN DATE available at http://www.tariiqomari.com/ and why people expect too much too soon. Tune in Thursday, April 9, 2009, at 9:00pm EST / 6:00 PM PST on www.blogtalkradio.com/sassyentertainment and call in to share your thoughts to 646.716.7414. "A successful relationship is not something you can actively seek and expect to find, according to author Tariiq O. Walton" “WSER Sassy Entertainment Radio™” is a hypnotically engaging interactive radio show streaming live each and every Thursday on your Internet airwaves at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. Saundra E. Harris, an Award winning author, turned talk show host aptly called “SassyScribe”, and Dlyte dishes a saucy discussion ...

A while back I posted a blog entited "ARE WOMEN WHORES FOR MONEY"{ http://situationswithssassy.blogspot.com/2007/06/are-women-whores-for-money.html } ...I have to ask this question and just put it out there...is it okay for women to marry for money? I look at the BravoTV series of the Real Housewives of OC, NYC, and most recently ATL and I listen to this young 25yo woman say "at first when I met my husband I was not physically attracted to him, but then I realized he was sweet and very successful..." and I am sitting at home going WTF...I mean for real...don't tell me you didn't find his money attractive first then you began to actually like him...come on...then to have one of the other OC housewives state "I can see what she see's in him, he is a very successful and confident man..." man puhleaze...why won't the women just say it...its fun and good and easy to marry to for money...I won't castigate for saying that...because you are b...

Fall is almost here! And ladies this means that men are about to make their choice picks for hibernation. Yes, that is right…the weather is changing and they are about to choose a couple of cuddle buddies… Ladies its all about the booty…brothers are going to be coming out of the woodwork. Men you haven’t heard from in months and in some cases years, will begin to call, text, and or email you. You are going to wonder what it is they want, but if you understand the habits and watch the behaviors that some men exude then this phase and/or aspect of their character should be nothing new… Brothers are about to get their stable in order. They have to get their pipeline thick for the winter months and for that to happen they have to contact a rack of phillies to choose from. See the key is to have a good amount to choose from that way when it gets cold, they will know where to go and/or who to call to get warm. Yes, for some this may sound shallow, but for some kats it is all about sex…gettin...

Always Say What You Mean Always be open and honest about your wants, needs, and desires. This is not solely regarding your personal life, but this comes into play with all aspects of your life. Only you know that which you want. Only you know what you can and cannot tolerate in people. This transcends male to female relationships and tunnels its way through and into all of your relationships. It can show that you are not only a strong individual, and not strong in the negative sense as society has come to view “strong” women. I am talking about Strong in the positive sense that it shows that you are an individual that stands by their word. In today’s world of dating being honest about YOU as only YOU can tell it will show a person that at times, one can be convicted by their principles, loyalty and love of themselves. I am a firm believer in women being clear when they speak to men. The need for clarification is vital in today’s dating world. They have to say what it is they mean from ...

What causes individuals to explore celibacy? Is it something that only women will do, or are more men also practicing this as well? Why the word celibacy is looked upon as THE C and for some is being likened to cancer? Is there something wrong with a person that foregoes something as fun, exciting, and enjoyable as sex? I used to think so, until I decided to shut the shop down. I practiced celibacy from 2005 to 2007 and it was due in large part to being tired of the game. Trust me when I say that for the first 30 days, I was one irate individual and had to recognize how sex had become an integral aspect of my life…straight meaningless sex. Once I surpassed the 30-day mark, it became easy. It wasn’t done out of trickery and/or to play mind games, it was all about ME. It was becoming more in touch with myself and how intimacy played a part in my life. Although I continued to date, I vowed to always be honest about my current status sexually…to be honest the first conversation was the har...

I don't want this to seem a vent or tantrum but I actually started to write this blog on June 10, 2007 while sitting in Hartsfield Airport in ATL on my return trip from Vegas. I was musing about conversations I had had with members of the opposite sex as well as those I have witnessed others having and it just makes me laugh outloud at this whole honesty thing... So I mulled it over....I wrote about it...I did focus group discussions, and I've even done my talk show on this topic. I gave it almost a year and the end result I found is that PEOPLE not just men and not just women, don't want the truth . Men say they want a woman to be honest, but in actual fact, they don't...they really want some things to remain a mystery. They can spout of all the BS they choose, about not finding an honest woman, but they truly don't want to know ALL....they just want to know enough. Enough to make a decision of whether or not you fit the "potential" category...enough to k...

At one point in our lives, everyone has had their heartbroken and/or broken someone's heart. We have been in great relationships that for some reason didn't work and we have been in bad relationships that were destined to fail from the beginning, however, as much as folks say that they wish they had that special someone in their lives, what are they willing to do to get that person? Are they willing to be open and free letting folks in or are they holding off and holding back for fear of being hurt. Are we so desensitized now that folks are no longer saying that their hearts are being broken, rather than their feelings were bruised, because bruise is better than broken. That your heart is still somewhat intact althought it may have a slight crack, it can heal quicker... When listening to issues from women and some men, I have come to the conclusion that as much as men and women say they want that special someone in their life WE {women/men} don't seem willing to let our gu...

As a woman I do not believe that I have all of the answers…hell, I just feel that I follow my instinct about men and it has enabled or equipped me with a sense of discernment that I honestly did not have four years ago. In my opinion [and my blogs are just that] dating is not very hard and/or as complicated as folks would like people to believe. On Saturday, March 29th, I facilitated a discussion entitle Technology and Dating- has it helped or hindered the dating process? [blog written Dec ‘07] http://xcapadesofthegirlz.blogspot.com/2007/12/technology-dating.html And it amazed me that out of the fifteen or so individuals in the room, only two of them were dating, and that was myself and one other woman. We discussed the pro’s and con’s of online dating, the high number of individuals that are meeting and marrying online [30k/annually], the ratio of men to women online, the percentage of married men online [40%] and that 72% of women are more likely to find a lover from an online conn...

This popped up on a message board that I talk on...yet it is so very appropriate for my show topic tomorrow...its a letter a black man wrote about why he cheated on his wife... I found this interesting to say the least...he touched on some points that I have heard some men make, but does that excuse the behavior? What are your thoughts on this... ______________________________________________________________ *Why I Cheat on My Beautiful Black Wife I am a black man and a cheater. Not all the time, just every now and then. The itch comes to me, and no matter what my wife does, I still can't help but want another woman. At least for a night, or two, or three. I love my wife very much. No woman I've ever met or will meet will hold a more important place in my life. I also love my kids, our house, my job and the fish in my daughter's room. I love everything about my life at home, even though my relationship has become dull and rocky. But while I love having a strong black family...

With the onslaught of the perceived "man shortage" women are beginning to focus their attentions on men from their friends past. Meaning that they are revising their opinions of the once staunchly forbidden and "possibly" offensive rule of not dating your girlfriends exes/baby daddies/or jump-offs, maintenance men, or friends-with-benefits. In other words, if your girl had sexual relations/dealings of any kind, then he is unspokeningly off-limits to her posse/homegirls/sister gurls. Your homegirls/sistagirls especially know that he is now in an untouchable, a forever untouchable position, regardless of how sexy, or fine, or how much the two of you may have "vibed" with one another, he can't be touched. Yet as women are growing older and the pool for eligible men is supposedly shrinking, they are mulling over whether or not to date an old flame of their friends. Statistics show that African American women are the most uncoupled women on earth, to wit it...

Why is it when a man says he is looking to settle down, he is viewed as being tired of the game? Yet when a woman says she is ready to settle down because of the same reasoning, she is now viewed as being desperate or in a rush to marry. Why is it that women are expected to forgive a cheating/philandering husband, yet a man is not expected to forgive a cheating/philandering wife? Why is it an expectation that a woman will stand by her man regardless of his misdeed? Why is it that single men who right/talk about relationships are viewed as giving sound advice, yet a single woman that does the same is viewed as being bitter and angry? Why is it that a man who engages in multiple relationships is just a man “doing his thang”, yet a woman doing the same is a whore? We are bombarded with various forms of media that continue to support this double standard. Let’s start with the most recent case of Governor Spitzer from NY who ran for public office vowing to eradicate crime and here he transp...

Found another one thanks to my man SoulChild...who happens to be my personal web guru...mucho gracias~ http://health.yahoo.com/experts/menlovesex/73762/why-men-dont-talk/ Why Men Don't Talk As the editor of the biggest men's magazine in the world, I am privy to something many women rarely hear - straightforward, uninhibited guy talk. Don't be so shocked - guys do actually talk, and not just about Tom Brady's quarterback rating. Most women think their man is the strong, silent type (or maybe the oblivious, silent type), and they wonder why he doesn't share his feelings. But here's the truth: Men do want to open up, about their hopes, their fears, and their passions. Yet put him alone in a room with you, and he often turns into a Sphinx. Why can't he take his eyes off the TV and talk about the state of the relationship, or the finances, or, heck, the backyard landscaping? Why in the world can't he just summarize his day for 10 minutes? In fact, one in fi...

So your gut instinct was right...you found out he cheated, so now what do you do? Many of your friends will tell you to leave him, but the majority of women will not leave after the first time they find out that their mate has cheated. To be honest, the majority of women stay, rather its for love or lifestyle, they very rarely leave. I know so many so-called married folks that on the surface appear to be happy and beneath they are both cheating neither getting what it is they want from the other, so rather than separate they step out and come back. A revolving door of random individuals throughtout their relationship. I've heard men say they stay because of the children, as if that situation is ideal for the kids. Is it ideal if their is no sign of affection between the parents? What is that teaching and/or showing the children? What if the parents are constantly fighting, sniping, griping, and back biting one another...what does that show? Shouldn't the children know what its ...

The 1995 Box office hit “WAITING TO EXHALE” , told the story of four African American women, one married with an impending divorce, one a single mother, and two single women both struggling in relationships with lothario’s and married men. I watched that movie again this morning (3am) and it got me to thinking…How many women are still “waiting to exhale”? How many of them are still waiting for “the one”…”the knight in shining armor”…their soul mate, the one person who really and truly loves, cherishes and understands them. That one person who can finish their sentence, make their heart race, that one person who would do anything for them…no questions asked. I’ve seen this movie at least 100 times, but this time…it moved me to tears. Angela Bassett lying in Wesley Snipes arms saddened and pissed over her impending divorce. Loretta Divine crying to Gregory Hines over her son leaving to tour Europe and her admitting that he had been the man in her life and how unfair it was of her to burd...

It’s no secret that for the past six years my sister and my two cousins, and I throw a fabulously hot Valentine’s Day Party. Its live, off the hook, and interactive, with games, food, music, and prizes…there are sample drinks passed out each hour…a chocolate fountain with huge California vine ripened succulent strawberries…and a wide array of other desserts and delectable morsels. There is a good time had by all, young and the young at heart. We do discriminate with ticket sales because we only want the Grown & Sexy in attendance…the exception we make is for the parents and aunts and uncles…hell, they taught us how to throw a party…how to get different groups to mix and mingle and stop sitting around all bougie and shyt. But as I write this I am perplexed…Why is it that the word Valentine tends to scare and/or invoke a fear in people? Is it an admission or an acceptance of their own loneliness? I wonder? You know I’ve been throwing this party for six years with no date and when I h...

Too many times I listen to women talk about how a man has done them wrong…and I hear men talking about how women aren’t being honest, or women don’t know what it is that they want…but ladies, do men really and truly know what they want? Hell no! Men say they want a woman that’s a freak in the bed, a good cook, independent, fun to be around, does not nag , allows him his space, and is a good mother…for some men that have this it still appears to not be enough… Men you may not like this, but what Tyler Perry wrote in his movie “Why Did I Get Married” about that 80/20 rule and that you are only going to get 80% of what you need or want in a person, but because folks are still searching and think they have found something better in that 20% person they go for it…then guess what…that 20% person wasn’t as great as they thought. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side…sometimes its full of rocks...but men have to find out the hard way. You saw how it played out in the movie…it plays...