Why is it that some people can't commit to a meaningful relationship with just one person? I don't mean dating more than just one person, that scenario is obvious that they aren't ready to committ. I mean a relationship, the exploration of, or the beginnings of wanting to see where the relationship is going?
I have witnessed so many supposedly committed relationships, fall apart, because one or both of the individuals feel that they are going to miss out on something. Curiosity is killing so many relationships. But is it curiosity or just not the right "fit" for you? Are we listening to what that person wants? Are we not paying attention to their actions as well as their words. Sometimes, folks actions contradict their words. I.E - I don't want a committed relationship with you, but yet they call you constantly and spend the majority of their time with you. That's a problem, because while that person may enjoy your company, conversation, and presence, he/she may also enjoy that with one or more individuals. So their actions belie their words.
I have first hand knowledge of dealing with someone who always told me to "do you", and for the longest time I hated that phrase, but now I understand it. While I thought we were in a committed relationship, and he acted as though we were in a relationship, I found out that we weren't, so while I was trying to do all that I could to keep us together as one...he never wanted that and insisted on doing him. I HAD to walk away from that type of person, because in the end he was no longer good for my soul. But as I sit back and go over our conversations, I never listened to what the man was saying. He told me from the beginning that he was not interested in a monogomous and/or committed relationship, so the relationship was all in my head, not his.
There are so many women and some men, that are like that. They have created this relationship in their minds, while the one person is thinking committment, the other is thinking "we're just hanging out, kicking it...whateva". This type of thinking leads to broken hearts, heart ache, and unnecessary drama. I witnessed this the other night, while out with some friends. The guy is coming onto me, while his friend is with him. To her she is in a committed relationship, to him, it is what it is...a most uncomfortable situation for me. She may not be one of my closet friends, but I like and respect her, and told him such...Another example is that I have a friend, that was disappointed in me because I invited another guest to a party, although there is nor has there ever been a conversation of exclusivity between us, he got upset. That's not my fault, he didn't listen to what I was saying. I was trying to get to know someone...
I have not allowed that to color my current relationships, well friendships, because I listen to EXACTLY what it is that men say. When they say they aren't looking for this, that, or the other, I believe them, and I don't question, bother, nor worry. I can't. If they call they call, if they don't, then they don't. If a man/woman is interested, trust me, they will call you and make their interst known. I am not talking about someone sweating you and acting pressed, but they will be interested in more than just sex. Their conversations will last longer than 5 or 10 minutes with you, and the conversation flows...in essence its effortless!
Personally, I would love a committed relationship. But I feel that because of the societal issues facing women {you know the arguement about that shortage of "good" black men} that women tend to deal with a man straying to other women rather than respecting and/or valuing themselves to say "I'm not the right woman for you". I understand that in this day and age, people are more open to different avenues of release sexually, and willing to have casual sexual relationships. That is the temporary fix until the right person comes along. But because we are mired in a quagmire of confusion, will we see that right person when they come along, because for so long our views have been skewed???
Committment takes two individuals, and as someone previously stated, just because I am not interested in having a committed relationship with them doesn't mean I don't want a committed relationship.
I feel that people are continually playing games, and as a single woman, I don't think people understand and recognize what it means to court and/or date someone. A date does not a committed relationship make, it is a process of getting to know the person. Dating is conversation, dinner, movies, bowling, sporting events, or just sitting in companionable silence. Its looking to see how that person fits into your life, and you into theirs...
Am I wrong? Help a sista out?
SassyScribe
I have witnessed so many supposedly committed relationships, fall apart, because one or both of the individuals feel that they are going to miss out on something. Curiosity is killing so many relationships. But is it curiosity or just not the right "fit" for you? Are we listening to what that person wants? Are we not paying attention to their actions as well as their words. Sometimes, folks actions contradict their words. I.E - I don't want a committed relationship with you, but yet they call you constantly and spend the majority of their time with you. That's a problem, because while that person may enjoy your company, conversation, and presence, he/she may also enjoy that with one or more individuals. So their actions belie their words.
I have first hand knowledge of dealing with someone who always told me to "do you", and for the longest time I hated that phrase, but now I understand it. While I thought we were in a committed relationship, and he acted as though we were in a relationship, I found out that we weren't, so while I was trying to do all that I could to keep us together as one...he never wanted that and insisted on doing him. I HAD to walk away from that type of person, because in the end he was no longer good for my soul. But as I sit back and go over our conversations, I never listened to what the man was saying. He told me from the beginning that he was not interested in a monogomous and/or committed relationship, so the relationship was all in my head, not his.
There are so many women and some men, that are like that. They have created this relationship in their minds, while the one person is thinking committment, the other is thinking "we're just hanging out, kicking it...whateva". This type of thinking leads to broken hearts, heart ache, and unnecessary drama. I witnessed this the other night, while out with some friends. The guy is coming onto me, while his friend is with him. To her she is in a committed relationship, to him, it is what it is...a most uncomfortable situation for me. She may not be one of my closet friends, but I like and respect her, and told him such...Another example is that I have a friend, that was disappointed in me because I invited another guest to a party, although there is nor has there ever been a conversation of exclusivity between us, he got upset. That's not my fault, he didn't listen to what I was saying. I was trying to get to know someone...
I have not allowed that to color my current relationships, well friendships, because I listen to EXACTLY what it is that men say. When they say they aren't looking for this, that, or the other, I believe them, and I don't question, bother, nor worry. I can't. If they call they call, if they don't, then they don't. If a man/woman is interested, trust me, they will call you and make their interst known. I am not talking about someone sweating you and acting pressed, but they will be interested in more than just sex. Their conversations will last longer than 5 or 10 minutes with you, and the conversation flows...in essence its effortless!
Personally, I would love a committed relationship. But I feel that because of the societal issues facing women {you know the arguement about that shortage of "good" black men} that women tend to deal with a man straying to other women rather than respecting and/or valuing themselves to say "I'm not the right woman for you". I understand that in this day and age, people are more open to different avenues of release sexually, and willing to have casual sexual relationships. That is the temporary fix until the right person comes along. But because we are mired in a quagmire of confusion, will we see that right person when they come along, because for so long our views have been skewed???
Committment takes two individuals, and as someone previously stated, just because I am not interested in having a committed relationship with them doesn't mean I don't want a committed relationship.
I feel that people are continually playing games, and as a single woman, I don't think people understand and recognize what it means to court and/or date someone. A date does not a committed relationship make, it is a process of getting to know the person. Dating is conversation, dinner, movies, bowling, sporting events, or just sitting in companionable silence. Its looking to see how that person fits into your life, and you into theirs...
Am I wrong? Help a sista out?
SassyScribe
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